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The Bachelorette Recap: Project Run Away, Desiree! | TrashTalkTV

The Bachelorette Recap: Project Run Away, Desiree!

Hey Trashies! So happy to see you here in the all new home of TV snark! (Insert upbeat 90s TV theme music here.) Our software seems to have some fun new features, but the page breaks are still  inserted randomly, no matter how much I try to dictate where they should go. So for best enjoyment of this recap, you might want to just scroll down to the bottom and click “single page.” Ready? Let’s do this.

Last week, the guys continued to all be boring, arguably with the exception of that guy Brian, whose ex-but-maybe-current-girlfriend showed up, and Des kicked him out. Or maybe CreepyBrandon, who experienced a tragic case of Premature Exclamation (of love), and got dumped. So there are no more interesting guys left, and as hard as ABC tries to make Ben interesting, the least boring thing about him thus far was that icky tank top he wore at the pool party.

Chris Harrison reminds us that we’re down to thirteen guys. There will be three dates this week, and we’re already taking a trip around the world! First stop, Atlantic City. Or as I think of it, Las Vegas’s redheaded stepchild with bad hygiene. Of course the men are “super excited,” etc.

Des is walking the boardwalk, saying hi to the cops, and staring soulfully at the ocean as she tells us that she’s still hopeful to find love. The guys check in to their suite and find the first date card. It’s for… Brad! She wants to let their love shine through. But Des, that’s what CreepyBrandon already did, and you got rid of him for it!

Zak opines something along the lines of Des invited Brad because she’s reassuring him it’s okay to be away from his kid. Mikey thinks Brad is too serious, and isn’t fun enough for Des… cut to… Brad and Des flying in the human slingshot.

brad and des fun

“I’m so boooooorrrred!” They ride rides, run around the boardwalk, eat taffy, and spontaneusly break into the chocolate factory! I’m sure that the New Jersey Health Department has zero issues with the customers sneaking in to the factory and feeding each other with their bare hands.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel suite, the guys are spying out the window, trying to find Brad and Des on the boardwalk. Zak, in particular, obsesses about it. He should really go to the gym or something and obsess about that, because his abs are his golden ticket on this show.

Des and Brad are fortunate enough to stumble upon a campfire and sand castle, complete with bench for them upon which to gently perch and watch the sunset. Don’t you just love when you have such good luck on a date? Des quizzes him about what he’s looking for in a woman, and he wants someone who is a “great person,” and would be a “good mom.” Desiree loves that answer, so I guess that she doesn’t care about specificity. But she wants to make sure she doesn’t just like him as a person, but she also has a connection with him. Over dinner, Brad isn’t good at making conversation. Des isn’t ready to give up on him just yet, though.

brad and des awkward dinner conversation

“So, uh… this weather, am I RIGHT?” At the hotel suite, Bryden reads out the next date card, which reads, “I’m looking for my Mr. Right.” It’s a group date, consisting of: Brooks, Bryden, Zack K, #Kasey, Drew, Venezuelan Juan Pablo, Zak W, Mikey, Ben, Michael, and Chris. That leaves James with the one-on-one date.

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16 comments on “The Bachelorette Recap: Project Run Away, Desiree!

  1. Dashley says:

    AND of course, there’s no “single page” option – hah! Oh well, we’ll get it figured out eventually.

  2. blazergirl says:

    Great recap as always!

    What was with Brad? “I’ve never been on a ride like that before! I’ve never walked on a boardwalk! I’ve never had salt water taffy!” Dude, you need to get out more.

    I was highly disappointed we didn’t get to see Juan Pablo in his teeny tiny bathing suit. What’s up with that? And where did his awesome baton twirling skills come from?

    The clips at the end were great; is it possible Drew models in real life. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing with the walk. Also, during the show, I loved how much the guys laughed at Mikey for his whole “don’t judge me for being a meathead” schtick.

    When she eliminated Zack at the end, I actually said out loud “who is that guy.” I didn’t remember him at all.

    • Dashley says:

      HAHAHA I didn’t notice that Brad was so amazed by the boardwalk. And there was a very depressing lack of VJP all around in this episode.

  3. itchy itchy says:

    Obviously Drew learned how to walk from practicing in front of America’s Next Top Model. But my my my what a bunch of earnest meatheads she’s got left. The only one who seems at all fun is that Mel Gibson-looking guy. He’s a total goofball, of course. Which means he’ll be perfect for her.

    So, do we get to choose avatars for this site? I couldn’t find where.

    • Dashley says:

      Not ENTIRELY sure how I made it happen, but you have to hover your mouse over your name/gray picture, and there’s a link for something called Gravatar. And you have to sign up for that – in this case, my WordPress account worked. And then when you do designate a picture, it doesn’t work right away for some reason, so you’ll think you did something wrong until you visit TTT a few hours later, and suddenly you have an avatar picture.
      Sorry I couldn’t give you more clear, step-by-step instructions.

      • itchy itchy says:

        Yes, I found this out, but I don’t want a gravatar. Too much fuss! And I like to change my avatars a lot. Hope Flipit can add a local avatar feature to the site.

  4. Cherie Cherie says:

    Haven’t had a chance to read just wanted to see if I could post. BRB!

  5. captain picard says:

    Yay! I hope everyone makes it over here!

  6. captain picard says:

    @itchy – which one looks the Mel Gibson? Long haired dude?
    Zak reminds me of that guy in Jillian’s season that was just looking for a record deal.

  7. KATryder says:

    The best thing about this Bachelorette episode? Manny & Jann. awwwwwww

  8. itchy itchy says:

    No, it’s that Zach W guy, the shirtless idiot. He’s got Mel’s crazy eyes.

    I’m feeling really torn about this season. On the one hand, Des is very cute. Like comic book cute. Like she stepped out of Jughead comic cute. Or maybe one of those mangas my kids aren’t allowed to read yet. Yeah. One of those.

    But… well, is it just me, or does she seem particularly dim? I mean, Lord knows this show is never going to produce too many Mensa members. But Des just seems to be taking this to a whole new level.

    I hate to say this, since, well, she is so damn cute.

  9. juddfan juddfan says:

    Oh @Itchy, the Mel Gibson Zak is creepy and gay . . . and I mean of the homosexual variety, not the high school dis. Brad was also gay, whether he knows it or not, I feel like I could see his absolute discomfort once it came time to try to be intimate. I think he was in dread the whole time up the steps that it was kissing time . . . but alas, Des couldn’t bear another second, heh!

    The older couple was sweet, and it was odd getting misty watching this show. James seemed really sweet, so I’m a little afraid of what’s coming next week.

    @blazergirl, there seems to be one contestant who never gets shown, and just gets booted, but it’s usually en masse . . . There’s a pretty good grab of VJP (why did I think that meant visible penis for a minute . . heh) on jezebel. meh. I don’t get the attraction, but alas, there’s no fat hairy men on this, so I don’t really dig any of them.

    Chris gets an A for effort, he’s really trying. And GF was working those heels!

    I can’t wait till there’s something else on TV, being capped here, my DVR is bare . . . . : (

    xoxo @dashley

    • Dashley says:

      Spanks, Juddfan! (And I’m a jezzie too btw)

      • itchy itchy says:

        Jezebel’s a scary place. I used to go to Gawker a lot, but their new commenting policy really sucks. They’ve become like Television Without Pity (if that still exists), blocking users for the slightest totally arbitrary offense. Fuck ‘em!

        • juddfan juddfan says:

          I don’t really comment there, but I read them, and I have noticed that there are usually being held back. I don’t notice as many haters there as other places . . . hmm . . . maybe coz they block them . . .

  10. bitchchristine says:

    I think Chris might end up being the winner.

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