Keeping Up with the Kardashians Recap: Color Me Lonely
Welcome KardashiFANS! Thank you all so much for the comments from last week’s opening episode. I appreciate all the support! Now, are you ready for another k-k-k-krazy episode following the k-k-k-kooky k-k-k-kapers of this family? This episode is mainly about Kris’s interference with Bruce’s growing independence (heaven forbid she might be losing control!) and her antics in keeping the family together, particularly in trying to strengthen the bond between Bruce and the youngest daughter Kylie. Her way of doing this is forcing Bruce and Kylie and a subset of family members to go to a Yoga class, to go rock-climbing, and to take a cooking class. Another thread (loose by all definitions) is a painting that has been inherited by Kourtney and Scott from his parent’s estate– they believe it may be by a famous painter, Amedeo Modigliani. They are so convinced of this, they practically spend the money it will bring in before they can even get it properly appraised – by a David Bowie lookalike. Plus we get to see Bruce get a haircut. And more. So keep reading below for all the drama, including the chilling climax at the end!!
The episode opens with Khloe feeding Kourtney’s kids, but only if they say her name, or Cocoa, which may be what she is feeding them.
Bruce is at Khloe’s house and is getting a haircut. He says it has been over a year since his last haircut. He wants to keep it long in front because he likes to pull it back in a ponytail. Khloe questions that look, but Kourtney defends him, saying it’s like when she grows out her eyebrows and everyone bugs her to tweeze them. Bruce says it’s society making him get a haircut, but Khloe wisely points out it’s Kris Jenner making him get a haircut. They all agree. After the haircut, It.Looks.Exactly.The.Same. But he feels good. Then a hair colorist arrives to lighten Bruce’s hair. Again, to make Kris happy. Kris arrives because she is getting highlights, too. There is a lot of bickering going on.
Kris Jenner: “You look like a baked potato.”
Miss Ellie Font: “You look like a steamed Brussel sprout”
At Scott and Kourtney’s house, Kourtney is explaining to Khloe about the painting that is due to arrive at the house any day. It’s from Scott’s parent’s house, and she thinks it is an authentic Amedeo Modigliani, which would make it priceless. Scott thinks it’s merely a copy and doesn’t want to get any hopes up, but Kourtney is sure it is real and their dreams of having riches will come true.
Bruce is at the main house, eating a sandwich. Kris walks in and asks what he is doing there. He said he came looking for Kylie, but she’s not there, so he looked in the fridge and found a sandwich, so he’s eating it. He complains that Kylie is ignoring him. Kris reminds him not to forget to eat dinner. She is exerting her control over him every which way.
Kim, Khloe and Kylie are in a car and talking about how Kylie needs to spend time with both parents even though it is hard now that they live in separate houses. Khloe says she read online that Bruce is doing Dancing with the Stars and asks if it’s true. Kim reports that she wouldn’t believe anything online because she read where is supposed to be f***ing a donkey. Nice family chitchat in the car with the teenager in the back.
We are so important that we do not need to buckle up for safety
Kris buys groceries for Bruce and delivers them to his beach house. She continues to say she is worried about him, that he is not taking care of himself. She also says the place smells, like the garbage has not been taken out. She asks if he is lonely, noting that he tends to be a hermit. He should invite people over. He complains that he tries to get the kids over, but they won’t come. So Kris has a plan to take matter into her own hands. She plans a yoga outing with Bruce and Kylie. Although he agrees to go, Bruce wants to get it over with as soon as possible so he can go golfing. When the Yoga instructor asks Bruce to take off his socks, he refuses. He is very disruptive at the class and keeps talking. Finally he leaves because he is concerned he will miss his tee time. This is not his idea of spending time with Kylie.
“Where you are is where you are. But where I am at is outa here.”
The painting arrives at Scott and Kourtney’s house. Scott continues to downplay the possibility of it being authentic. On the way to hide the painting in a safe place, Kourtney slams it against the wall.
Authentic Amedeo Modigliani? Or Kourtney’s “emotionalness” self-portrait ?
Kris’s next plan to bring Bruce and Kylie together involves an indoor rack climbing excursion. However, she and Kylie get into a fight about Kylie borrowing her clothes without asking, to which Kris says she will put a camera in her closet to catch her next time. Kylie storms off. Kris waits until Bruce is all suited up to climb the wall when she tells Bruce that Kylie left because she is a teenager and teenagers are moody.
Kourtney shows the painting to Khloe and asks what she thinks. Khloe asks what she should be looking for. (Best line of the whole episode!) Khloe starts to touch the painting and Kourtney yells “NO!” Kourtney is complaining about Scott being a Debbie Downer. Khloe is happy to see that Kourtney is showing some emotion.
For Kris’ latest plan for family togetherness, they are all at the Wellness Kitchen at the Four Seasons Hotel. Kris has arranged for them to take a cooking class. She has all of them there so in case someone gets mad and storms off, there will be back-up. Bruce walks in eating an apple. He excuses himself to go to the bathroom. While he is gone, Kris explains to the girls that she wants Bruce to learn to cook so he can take care of himself. He returns from the bathroom still eating the apple (!!)
On greeting Khloe, Kim criticizes her hair as being too stripey. Khloe says that Kim looks like such a lady today but Kim responds by saying she was trying to look like a whore.
The food is served. Kim finds a hair in her fish, that Bruce prepared. Awkward.
It’s not striped, but it is highlighted. “At least I washed the apple in the bathroom”
As they are leaving, Bruce tells Kris that he enjoys being out in Malibu all on his own because Kris has a tendency to be controlling (really?) and he enjoys the time alone. They met when he was 40 and he was fine up to that point, so now he is capable of handling himself. In other words, buzz off lady.
The esteemed appraiser is coming to Scott and Kourtney’s house to look at the piece of art. He looks at Mason’s pictures on the wall.
Yes, these are original
Now is the moment of truth when he looks at the painting. He says it could be the real thing. He thinks that auction people should be checking it.
The long-lost Ziggy Stardust!
After this news, Scott gets excited. Before they can move the painting back to a safe place, Mason touches it and the family kat runs across it. They call a family friend to contact somebody at Sotheby’s to assess the painting.
Khloe, Kylie and Bruce are at lunch. He asks why they are always taking pictures of each other all the time. Bruce tells them how he told Kris off after the cooking class. He says he understands why she has to control everything. If fact, he admits that he allowed her to be that way, that he was partially responsible for creating the monster she is today. Khloe defends Kris by saying she is a “Miss Fix-it”. Bruce goes on to complain that no one makes an effort to see him when he asks them to or to do something he wants to do. Kylie feels sorry for him and promises to make more of an effort to go see him. She goes to see him in the next scene at his Malibu house, even bringing him a sandwich. They have a nice time together, away from the meddlingness of Kris.
Back at Scott and Kourtney’s house, Scott is picking out carpet for his yacht and jet airplane. He says he has always been excited about being ultra rich. Scott is planning on how to spend every dollar. Now Kourtney is not excited.
Kris has arranged for an art expert to come look at the painting. He is an art conservator. As he is examining the painting, Kourtney says how she will spend her millions feeding children who cannot afford to feed themselves. Scott wants to know what percentage of the millions will go to that cause. He wants to make sure he has enough money left over to buy a helicopter.
He says he thought he was coming to look at an oil painting, but this is obviously watercolor on paper (red flag warning!) Plus, the backing is on cardboard (red flag again). Surprising that these are facts the art appraiser did not pick up on. He suggests taking it to a lab for analysis. He will have results back in a week.
Was this painted by Ziggy Stardust?
Finally we have the dramatic climax of the episode when the envelope arrives with the results of the analysis of the painting. It is ……………………………………………………………… (wait for it) definitely not authentic. Scott screams: “The dream is over, the nightmare begins now.” Kris says, “Well, at least it was exciting for a minute.” (But not in the least for the last 60 LONG minutes of this episode!)
Next time – Scott buys a van and calls it his mobile office.
So, fans, what did you think? Sound off in the comments below. Until next time …
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