What am I going to do without Maggie? Â We do have this to remember her by.
We open at 5am and a Military vehicle comes up the driveway… it’s an army dude. He busts into the girls rooms, saying “Up you lazy maggots!” I canâ€™t argue with is first impressions.
He wakes up the girls and tells them there is boot camp clothing in the hallway. He has a REALLY hard time getting Tacky Jackie out of bed. In an interview, Kelley wants to know WHY Meghan isn’t being awakened for Boot Camp- she thinks it’s not fair.
Iâ€™m fairly certain that when Kelley was being taken to the shitty diner, Kelley thought it was perfectly fair that she wasnâ€™t participating in whatever nonsense the other ladies were up to. Kelleyâ€™s crazy psychosis is showing and she canâ€™t hide it anymore.
In the hallway, the sergeant instructs the girls “Right Turn!” And truth be told, a few of them donâ€™t really know their right from their left. Ha. You canâ€™t make this stuff up.
In the land of the Crown Suite, Kingsley wakes Meghan up and asks Meghan to join Sir in his room for brunch.
Meghan sashays in there, tits out in her see thru pajamas. She finds him completely dressed for the day. She asks him- now that it has been confirmed he is, indeed, Prince Harry, “Is it ok if I still call you Babe?” Not Harry is likeâ€¦ whatever. Not Harry asks if she is a ring leader among the group? He tells her that the girls are away on boot camp today and that he’s sure she is happy she wasn’t involved.
Meghan says in the interview that if she â€śwas promised a husband and a Chanel bag and there was a gun to my headâ€ť she wouldn’t have been happy about going to boot camp.
At Boot Camp, the girls arrive and there’s an obstacle course set up. The drill sergeant says that they are going to go through the same kind of training that Prince Harry and any Military person goes through while the girls were â€śshaking their pom poms in college.â€ť Ha. Yeah, Iâ€™m sure THIS will be exactly like Military trainingâ€¦ itâ€™s an insult to the Military, frankly. I’m pretty sure soldiers don’t have tank tops with their names printed on them and booty shorts. (And helmets with their names written on yellow tape. Ghettto Fox, get it together.) But for our entertainment, Iâ€™ll let it slide.
Of course Kelley â€śwants to know everything he went through.â€ť She also wants to keep little locks of his hair in a silver box in her top drawer, which is right next to a container of his ball cheese she scraped out of the pair of his dirty underwear she keeps under her pillow. Seriously, she is single white female. The sergeant announces the winner will get â€śpampering with the Prince in the days ahead.â€ť The girls start marching. They all want to win, weâ€™ll see who pulls it out. They have to jump into something called â€śHell River.â€ť
Kelley immediately elbows the other girls and takes the lead. Kelley is in her element she’s always been a gymnast and a runner. And a stalker. Please, nobody give this girl a weapon.
Not Harry and Meghan are going to “play” tennis. Meghan was thinking their date would be more extravagant. Honey, you could be eating silver dollar pancakes at a shitty diner, be thankful you got Tennis. But, heâ€™s seen her attempt to throw a ballâ€¦ why would he prolong the agony. Unless itâ€™s for his own personal comic
relief. Meghan can’t hit the ball to save her life. Not Harry tries to teach her. She can’t even hold a racquet.
Instead he just rubs up against her. Meghan says she wants to jump his bones.
Meanwhile a few of the girls nearly drown at boot camp, which honestly would have been no loss to humanity. Rose can run but she says has the upper body strength of a baby kitten. The sergeant has to pull Rose out of a drain pipe.
Kelly is a lunatic. Kelley wants to win no matter what. And â€¦then she wins. Kimberley comes in second. Karina is third.
Night falls and Meghanâ€™s date continues.
As an aside, Kelley REALLLLLLY got a shite date. She went to a diner, for like, an hour. Thatâ€™s it. Particularly looking at what Meghan is getting. Aside concluded.
Not Harry wants to put her in a romantic setting to see if she will open up a little. What, her legs? Trust me, from what Iâ€™ve seen she doesnâ€™t need any coaxing.
Meghan shows up to the woods and her jugs look gigantic and then she puts on this annoying baby voice.