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Game of Thrones Recap: The Kids Aren’t Alright | TrashTalkTV

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Game of Thrones Recap: The Kids Aren’t Alright

That’s it, guys. The season flew by.

 

The episode opens on Jon tromping through the charred remains of the battle. There are dead wildlings strewn about every which way, and happy little crows pecking away at the dead flesh. Gross! As you may remember, Jon is heading to the wildling camp to try to kill Mance Rayder, the leader of the wildlings.

As Jon walks into the wildling camp, he surrenders. I’m more than a little bit surprised that he wasn’t killed on sight. I’m also surprised that he straight up lies to Mance, telling him he was sent to negotiate on behalf of the Night’s Watch.

Jon breaks down the whole story of how he faked being a turncoat because Qhorin Halfhand ordered him to. “I was loyal to my Night’s Watch vows,” he claims. Mance calls bullshit on that one, as everyone knows that Crow was pecking around Ygritte’s nest. Ew, I can’t believe I even just wrote that. Ygritte seems to be as beloved to the wildlings as she is to me, as Jon and Mance spend a few minutes chatting about her fate before they get down to the pretty freakin urgent matters of state. They drink a toast to Ygritte, and to Grenn and the giant king he took down.

Mance claims that the wildlings are here to hide, not to conquer. That seems to be belied by the fact that they employed a huge murderous attack rather than just saying they needed a place to crash, but ok. Mance also states that ‘winter is coming’, which we haven’t heard in awhile. Pardon? I thought winter was already here. What the fuck is winter then if it isn’t endless snow and the raising of ice zombies?

Jon makes a half-hearted attempt to pull out his sword and kill Mance, but he obviously can’t do it without being killed himself. Also, it would be kind of rude to murder Mance right after he offered peace. Before that whole situation is resolved, the war horn is blown, and we see a giant cavalry riding in perfect formation from two sides. Who the eff is that? Also, another battle? I’m burned out on this shit.

We get a few moments of wildlings being slaughtered by armored men on horse back before Mance tells his men to stand down. There’s been enough bloodshed. Really? We couldn’t decide that before Ygritte got killed?

Who’s here to save the day? Its mother fucking Stannis, finally getting to feel like one of the cool kids for probably the first time in his life.

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3 comments on “Game of Thrones Recap: The Kids Aren’t Alright

  1. Lovelyval says:

    Thanks for the recap! That scene with the dragons screaming just broke my heart. Put me in a real funk for the rest of the episode. I left my husband to watch the last 10 minutes alone, I just couldn’t sit through the hound’s fight. There’s been a ton of violence on this show but I just couldn’t watch this time.

  2. MollyMommy says:

    OK. Qyburn is NOT random. In this season Cersei alluded to him giving her an abortafacient, AND, he created the gold-plated replacement hand for Jamie at Cersei’s request. I enjoy all recaps for GoT but c’mon with the not remembering the season. Also Tyrion meets up with Varys not Tywin because he’d just murdered Tywin a paragraph earlier. If your recaps for GoT are going to be so late they should be accurate as well as snarky.
    Agreed on Jon waltzing into Wildling camp and other difficult-to-suspend-disbelief moments.

  3. melange says:

    Stannis’ battle plus the Hound/Brienne fight PLUS Tyrion’s out-of-character murderfest was, er, overkill for this episode. Bad pacing and production choices. This on top of the episode-long battle last week and the fight/grisly death the previous week, they’ve really outdone themselves! I feel sorry for people that binge watch this season later on.

    What they should have done: left out the Stannis crap until next season, or show the battle in a brief long shot. That would have left the audience a little more fresh for the Hound/Brienne fight, which was pretty brilliant, actually; normally you’d want to see how these two combat, if the outcome wasn’t so dire. Arya really needed her white knight a few seasons ago, and Brienne’s quest should have taken place before she became mixed up with the Lannisters.

    I don’t believe that someone has died in this series unless they have a death scene (Oberyn) or are clearly a corpse (poor refrigerated Ros). Goodness knows the show creators can’t resist a disgusting, gorey death! So I have hope for the Hound and the Mountain. Perhaps they will meet again.

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