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Food Network Star Recap: Tiny Kitchens Are Funny | TrashTalkTV

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Food Network Star Recap: Tiny Kitchens Are Funny

Last episode, we lost Luca, to my great surprise. But you commenters are smarter than I am, and have figured out that eliminating Luca sends the sexy Italian to Food network’s ridiculous Star Salvation, and therefore increases the chance that we’ll log on to their website in order to keep watching the sexy Italian. Sorry, Susie Fogelson. Still not gonna watch it.

Meanwhile, however, the actual contestants, sans Luca, head into the test kitchen to find they are in an episode of Cutthroat Kitchen. This is another Food Network show (you can hear The Network chanting, “Synergy! Synergy!”), hosted by Alton, in which contestants can bu various tricks and traps to sabotage their fellow contestants in a cooking competition. The people I feel sorry for are the judges, who end up having to eat the revolting results without knowing, for instance, that one chef had all his flour stolen, and thus became an unwilling representative of the gluten-free contingent in baking his cake. So I guess the fun of this contest comes from watching our contestants try to sabotage each other, and gang up on the contestant (Lenny) they consider (Lenny) to be the biggest threat. Hint: starts with L, ends with enny, and wears a gigantic cowboy hat.

First group is Loreal, Chris, Chris, Nicole, and Aryen. They are assigned to make spaghetti and meatballs. Chris 1, who we learn was a contestant on the actual Cutthroat (synergggyyyy), explains that he’s grabbing all kinds of options, never knowing how he’ll be sabotaged. Nicole, who has not been a Cutthroat contestant, forgets to grab pasta. So that should make the “spaghetti” part a little more challenging.

Sabotaging. Loreal buys a pasta spoon, which she gets to have taped to Chris’ hand for the entirety of the challenge.

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So I can use this as a backscratcher, too?

Alton next brings out three grinders — hand grinder, spice grinder and a snow-cone machine. The successful bidder can make three fellow contestants grind their meat with those machines. So Chris 1 gets it and immediately revenges himself by giving the snow cone machine to Loreal. The hand grinder to Nicole, and the spice grinder goes to Chris 2.

Mess ensues. Loreal is, unsurprisingly, less than successful in grinding her meat in a machine made for Snoopy snow cones. So she dumps a ton of cheese and alcohol into the mix. Normally, I’d be a big fan of cheese and alcohol, but this is not looking like an improvement.

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If this doesn’t work, she’s going to set it on fire.

Random interruption by Alton, bidding off the right to make one contestant stop their work and stomp grapes. Really? This is a cooking show? These sabotages seem one step up from getting slimed on Nickolodeon. So Nicole is forced to stomp grapes, thanks to Loreal. She’s a little bitchy about it too, making clear that she’s doing it to laugh at Nicole looking less than elegant. As soon as Nicole is released from stomping duty, she rushes back to try to create some sort of gnocchi substitute from cheese and flour.

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Grape-stomping.  A skill every Food Network host needs.

Aryen is trying to make a spicy penne, recognizing that her “international” angle has thus for resulted in uninteresting and bland food. So let’s see how that works out for her, as the clock counts down.

Bobby Flay is the judge, joined by some dude who is apparently a regular judge on Cutthroat. So they don’t know what sabotages may have happened in the kitchen, and are supposedly judging the dishes on their own merits.

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9 comments on “Food Network Star Recap: Tiny Kitchens Are Funny

  1. Pegalicious says:

    The consensus that Luca’s ouster was a play for more eyeballs on Star Salvation makes sense, especially because there was a comment made that viewers wouldn’t be able to follow his instructions. Perhaps a miraculous fluency, along with a greatly improved camera presence, will find Luca back for the finale.

    Never watched “Cutthroat Kitchen,” and after seeing this I don’t intend to. I just don’t find purposeful sabotage to be entertaining.

    Not sorry to see Kenny go; his “dish” looked and sounded absolutely gross. Maybe pancake, egg, and bacon (with maple syrup, of course) would have been OK, but fruit compote and cream on top of it? Yecch.

    K-Cee, there were a couple of typos that really tickled me: “Lenny finishes his smoothie and rushes back to try to roll out a friend corn tortilla” and “Ruben presents a little dish with sausage, bacon and fiend eggs over a mashed potato.” I guess autocorrect has a problem with “fried”!

  2. Merry says:

    Cutthroat Kitchen has nothing to do with cooking ability: it’s just a series of distractions. No one can do their best work while constantly readjusting for stolen tools/ingredients and trying to listen to Alton auction stuff. Lenny may be shtick, but I do believe he can cook and if he’d had his wits about him (and his bacon) would either not have bothered with that tortilla thing or realized how bad it was. Kenny played the game correctly but can’t cook to save his life so no tears over him.

    Sarah…ugh. Let’s start with the fact that no one cooks for “date night:” the definition of date night is going out to get away from kids, house, cooking, etc. And let’s end with the fact that clearly her point of view is all about someone else (Bobby, this time), which is just sort of pathetic. “I made you semi-adequate food….LOVE ME!!” Yeah, that’ll have men beating a path to her door.

  3. K-Cee says:

    Oops. *blushing*. I’m not so good at the typos; I rely too much on autocorrect. So where, like here, my typo is an actual word, I don’t catch it. Not as bad as the time I wrote a memo to my then-boss citing a Public Law, and left out the L in public!

  4. wcsdancer says:

    I used to love AB, bu his participation in Cutthroat Kitchen (which I don’t watch) has made me reconsider that love. Good Eats was one of *the* best FN shows…Bill Nye meets the kitchen! Alton, Alton…smh…you’re making me sad. The judges/hosts kept saying, “A Food Network Star needs to be able to improvise/think on their feet, etc.” Really? There are no retakes on a noncompetitive cooking show? Next they’ll telling me all the cooking is real-time with no swap outs!

  5. Pegalicious says:

    My apologies, K-Cee; I don’t usually call out typos but these were just too good… especially because Lenny’s corn tortilla was not much of a friend!

  6. I think if Sarah’s presentation had been more clear it might have worked… Something more along the lines of “When cooking for Date Night, it’s important to think about the other person. You’re making a special meal for them, to celebrate them. Since my husband wasn’t here today, I made the Date Night food with Iron Chef Flay in mind.”

    The right spin could have made that work. She just can’t think on her feet.

  7. cherryred says:

    I agree, she’s too focused on cutesy and not substance

  8. asby says:

    Thank god kenny is gone….how can one be on a cooking show when they really do not seem to be able to cook

  9. I Should Be Working says:

    Ha I recently invited my whole family to my daughter’s first dance rectal. Freaking autocorrect.

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