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I Wanna Marry "Harry" RECAP American Pageant | TrashTalkTV

I Wanna Marry “Harry” Recap: American Pageant

just when you thought it wasn't posibble to look dorkier

and the winner is

This show has been cancelled… hahaa, it’s like cutting off a satisfying sh*t mid-sh*t. and I mean this quite literally. So MisRed will recap the remaining episodes over the next week and then we can all curl up in the fetal position in the bottom of our shower and try to scrub it off.

At the end of the last episode, Chelsea and Anna Lisa exited. Chelsea by choice, Anna Lisa most probably because she seemed to be onto the fact that Not Harry is, well, not Harry. And Kelley, the stage 5 clinger was moved into the Crown Suite.

Not Harry is awakened by someone other than Kingsley- he must be trying to renegotiate his contract, because surely he did not see THIS level of humiliation coming. Not Harry says he think most of the girls are beginning to fall for this ruse and they do, indeed believe he is Prince Harry.

line up
Where would one buy a skirt like this?  Forever Slutty?

Oh here’s Kingsley, he has gathered the remaining suckers and says that Sir was worried that they might be missing home, so they have raised the American Flag over Deerfield Manor.

american flag
Now I feel better about my Mom being dead. 

I know that when I miss my family all I do is look at the flag to feel better. ??? The girls think it’s the sweetest thing EVER and then Kingsley announces that there is going to be a Pageant, to vie for the Title of Miss Deerfield.

England travel guide
Hmmm, where is the chapter on stalking and kidnapping Royals?

Kelley is in the Crown Suite reading a Lonely Planet guidebook to England, dressed and ready at 4am for her date with “Prince Harry.” She says “I don’t think the rest of the girls know what they are dealing with. When it comes down to the wire, I will do anything to be with him.” Yikes. I can’t believe this chick passed the psych evaluation. Someone comes in and gets her and brings Kelly to Not Harry.

 Screen Shot 2014-06-15 at 5.31.44 PM
I was up all night carving “Mrs. Prince Harry” into the skin on my forearm

In his room he tells her that he thinks she, more than anyone else, is falling for this horseshit, I mean, knows who he really is, but he wants her to forget about that and get to know him. She says she doesn’t care that he’s a Prince, she wants to get to know him, or anyone else that shows that slightest bit of interest in her.

No, your steely stare isn't creeping me out at all.
No, you’re steely stare isn’t creeping me out at all…I’ve had hostage training

He says it’s harder to tell the lies to Kelley because she is so trusting. And she thinks that she has confirmation that he is really Harry and this gives her an advantage. Bless your heart, you poor girl.

hot rod?
Hot Rod?

Not Harry takes her into the courtyard and there is an antique American hot road there-I’m sure I’m supposed to know what it is, but I do not.

no peeking
No peeking…I don’t want you to be able to find your way back…

So they get in and she is supposed to keep her eyes closed, but keeps opening them.

shitty diner
Yeah, I had a Royal Groupon

He takes her to an American Diner for “a bit of grub” and really what they do is completely irrelevant because she is the most down to earth girl in the competition.

a real authentic set of a diner
A real, authentic, fake diner

The staff in the diner are in on the ruse so they interrupt his meal to ask for a photo with him…which Kelley then takes and is THRILLED to do so.

photo op

She wants to be with a man that gets noticed.

Back at the Manor, the other girls are preparing for the pageant. Maggie is doing a “cheer” as her talent. Ok.

practicing for pageant
This is what passes for talent these days. 

Rose is helping Karina practice a dance? Jacqueline will be hula hooping.

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Comments
  1. Pegalicious
  2. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips
  3. itchy itchy

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