Orange is the New Black Recap : Just Ignore the Groaning, we got 75% off

Hi Trashies!

Last week we left our hero betrayed, bereft and bedraggled. Ultimately though I still think it ended up sort’ve ok for her, as Piper is free from worrying about getting offed for squealing on a drug lord. She’s on her way back to the relatively cozy min-sec world of Litchfield too, so things are looking up. As up as they get in prison that is. But don’t expect to see her this week – ep 2 is all about catching up with everyone in Litchfield and Piper doesn’t appear in this ep at all, apart from a few mentions.

We start in flashback mode, and it’s Taystee’s backstory. She, as a child, tries too hard and can’t get adopted.

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The bench of broken dreams

She’s befriended by a woman, who rapidly transpires to be a dealer. The young Taystee rejects having anything to do with her, and the woman ‘Vee’ isn’t being friendly at all, she’s recruiting.

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I’m just like Fagin, ‘cept I’ll cut you.

In the present, the girls are getting dressed for a job interview competition. One of the Latino girls objects that they just need to try out MacDonalds and maind’s uniforms. Which is likely true, once they’ve got time on their resume. Sophia, who is smarter than the average inmate, has decided to damn the torpedoes and go for looking fabulous instead – once she’s been poured into the dress she’s chosen. It takes three of them but they get there in the end. She’s not taking it too seriously, but then again most of them are probably just doing it as it’s more interesting than the alternative of doing nothing.

In the kitchens Luscheck is showing off his talents.

Form a queue ladies

Form an orderly queue ladies

Gloria is still Queen of the kitchen and Daya is still pregnant. On top of that she’s constipated. All that and having Aleida as a mother, her luck is the worst. In fact Aleida is getting jealous of how Gloria is being motherly towards Daya. Quite how she’s going to combat that, as she hasn’t got the first clue about being a mother I don’t know. The idea of her singing Daya to sleep or knitting booties for the baby seems a bit far-fetched.

At the mock-job fair the ladies are showing off their get-ups. Sofia’s hot cocktail dress gets kicked off first, and Morello’s sailor girl costume too. Her face when the woman says she looks childish is a picture.


Childish? I was going for slutty!

Taystee is going for broke and has picked out the dress that won last year. The Judge thinks she should have dressed to suit her body type more – its nice to see stereotyping alive and well in the 21st century. Flaca wins it though, despite still being in her Goth make up.

We get more of Taystee’s backstory, of her working a job and trying to steer clear of Vee’s drug ring.

Boo has lost her dog, citing that it got ‘weird’. Mainly as she used peanut butter to encourage it to do something no dog should ever do. Damn right it got weird.

Red has run out of money in the commissary, a further sign of her fall from power and she has to eat in the kitchen. It seems she and Gloria have a truce, as Red is now alone and powerless. Maria isn’t so sure Red is as toothless as she seems though, saying a bear is still a bear. Red isn’t feeling it though, she looks like she’s been declawed for good.

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She starts to befriends the oldsters. Is this the end for Red?

‘Tuckey returns, and looks a bit mashed up still with even less teeth than before. It’s not like she had a perfect set but it seems Piper smashed a lot out. Nasty Piper.

One tooth

I gots 1 tooth for biting, 1 for chewing.

She’s in to talk to Healy. Last season he saw her go for Piper and he wants to make sure she doesn’t rat him out. He tries to tell her to stick to the line that it was a fight, and keep him out of it. It’s not too clear if he truly regrets not intervening – but it’s his job if anyone believes ‘tuckey that he did. She negotiates a deal with him – but we don’t see what her price is yet.

Fig is talking to a journalist about prison funds, and it could be that her embezzling is going to come to light which would be just desserts. The journalist is brushed aside pretty fast, but has Fig really done enough to keep her money nicking ways secret?

In the laundry ‘tuckey’s old friends are realizing that without her, things were better. Calmer, less psychotic. It looks like Red isn’t the only player losing her gang this season.

Larry gets a talking to from his Dad, about moving on with his life. Away from Piper, who his Dad does not like. Its a nice touch about how self-involved Larry can be as whilst he realises his Dad is right (well duh) he fails to notice they’re in a gay bathhouse. Larry’s dad had a Groupon and didn’t want to waste it, he’d get on well with my cheapskate Dad.

Ignore the groaning

Just ignore the groaning, we got 75% off

The inmates going for the practice job interview get help with their resumes. I just helped my sister do her resume as she’s changing careers so all this is painfully familiar to me. Nicky is offended when she’s told she ought to be a correctional officer in her career quiz, and I can see her point.

Red’s son comes in to see her with a black eye, and Red is pleased when she finds out his partner did it to punish him for his drunkenness. The news isn’t all good though, her family is struggling on the outside as the Russian gangs are unhappy with them for losing the prison supply contract.

Suddenly its apparent why Taystee wants to win the job fair – she thinks she’ll get a job out of it. The impracticality of this hasn’t hit her, but I can’t see it happening. We see her back in time finally giving in and working for Vee – though she has to convince using her talent for numbers that she’ll be useful. So stay in school kids, one day you can use your maths to get yourself a job as a dealer. Presumably this is the woman who was absent when Taystee got out on probation.

Larry pays Polly a visit. She’s looking a bit ‘baby tired’, half dressed and desperate for some dark beer,or stout. She thinks it’ll be good to help her make milk for the baby – I have no idea if that’s true but I’ve heard worse excuses. Polly is sympathetic to Larry and is angry at her husband Pete for going off on a trip for a month. Not exactly a shining example of good behavior for a new father. Larry steps in to offer her support, which she immediately takes. Three guesses where this is going to end up.

Hi New Dad!

Hi New Dad!

Larry and Polly seem to interact well, and in a more natural way than either does with their current partner so maybe it will happen. Or just cause a big emotional mess that explodes all over Polly, Peter Larry and Piper.

Aleida has used her new mom skills to remember that Daya is intolerant of yoghurt, so feeds her that in an attempt to clear her constipation and claim ‘Mom of the Year’ award. It is kinda sweet to see her wanting to be Daya’s mom, but monitoring her on the toilet is over doing it. Daya isn’t in the mood for it and is trying to crap.

parenting stops at the door

Parenting stops at the Bathroom Door, Mom

Taystee’s backstory continues, and she’s happy for once. Her and Vee get on well, and her pal RJ. Despite the dealing, she has her family at last. We know it doesn’t last, which is a bit sad, as now she has no one.

Red continues to befriend the oldsters, then we discover what ‘tuckey bought for herself with her silence – she’s getting new teeth. That’s going to be one long-assed trip to the dental surgeon.

The final of the job fair arrives and its Flaca and Taystee in an interview face off. They’ve been practicing well, but Flaca tries to flirt her way in, whilst Taystee demonstrates a well researched knowledge of the company she’s ‘applying’ to. She’s nailed it.

Things get bad fast for past-Taystee. Her and Vee are coming to terms with RJ being killed, a cop shot him for carrying a gun. Vee promises to protect Taystee, to make up for letting RJ down. ‘Course we know that she must let down Taystee too, as she was nowhere last season when Taystee got out. Or she’s dead. Either way Taystee loses.

Theres a brief interval where Daya has pooped and her two moms, Gloria and Aleida are competing for the glory of being the one who fixed it. Neither wins the poop-prize but at least Daya is regular again and they take pleasure out of the fact she’s embarrassed by them. That’s definitely how Moms work.

Taystee finally gets dragged back to earth, and just like at the start of the episode she’s tried too hard, got her hopes up and had them dashed. She’s got talent, smarts and she still can’t get anywhere. Fig relents and gives her a ten dollar prize, but that gets blown away in the next second.

Not Dead

Whoah, she certainly isn’t dead!

Vee is standing there, large as life, and the episode ends.

Next week, Vee starts to make waves and Piper returns to Litchfield. I missed her this ep so I’m looking forward to it.

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