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Catfish Recap: "I am the King Catfish!" | TrashTalkTV

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Catfish Recap: “I am the King Catfish!”

Hellooo Trasktalkers!!! This week felt like old times again with Nev, Max and a love struck doofus looking for answers. I was starting to lose hope that we wouldn’t have anymore surprise endings this season after so much T-Lights and Tracie Thoms promotion. BUT this week I was really invested in the first three quarters of the episode. It kinda fell flat when we met the Catfish, but unless they say something awesome like “this is cause you called me a fat ass Kelly Price three years ago!!”, it always falls flat when the mystery is over.

Nev and Max get the “Cat” Signal in the sky - an email from producers with information about this weeks case. Before Max can make a Catman and Robin joke, Nev starts reading the email from John, a 27 year old Detroit native, WHO WORKS IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY (IT),  that has been chatting with the girl of his dreams, Kelsey. John drops the “L Bomb” when talking to Nev and Max about his feelings for Kelsey. The two met in a chat room about psychology, specifically anxiety. Kelsey lives in Florida and she is deep, like smart deep, but doesn’t really like sharing photos or refuses to chat over web cam cause she’s got a serious case of Body Dysmorphia.  Eeek. Well, John is in IT and Max points out that  she couldn’t use the excuse that she had a bad connection cause he could solve that bad connection. I don’t this that is really true, IT guys in Detroit can’t just solve bad internet connections in Florida. That said, this is a dumb point because there really shouldn’t be a any bad internet connections anywhere anymore.

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Max and Nev take advantage of John’s IT profession to make a lot of bad puns on their way to meet up with John in Detroit. They joke John and Kelsey “have a bug in their relationship”, “there’s a connection error” and John is about to do a “hard reboot of his life”. A hard reboot is physically turning something completely OFF then ON again, which I think means John would have to die and come back to life like Jesus. So maybe it’s more appropriate to say John is about to refresh his bookmarks? I don’t know but I don’t think the kid needs to be resurrected. Finally they meet John and Max is completely distracted by the amount of snow on the ground in Detroit. He seems just as bored with this season as we are at this point. Max finally asks John if  him and Kelsey “dabbled in the dark arts of, um,  sexting?” Oh no! John DID send Kelsey a dick pic but she wasn’t really feeling it. I agree with Max that is probably a good thing she wasn’t super into his dick pic and wanted more.

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Later on, Nev and Max get to work investigating Kelsey in their hotel room. This is tough because all they have is her chat room screen name, Kelsey.Bezzlebub (AKA THE DEVIL). There are just as many red flags as bad IT puns, like John only heard Kelsey’s voice once and she has no Facebook or social media accounts to stalk. Nev and Max do a basic Google Image search with Kelsey’s bikini photos that lead to nothing. Apparently when she wasn’t feeling self conscious she was modeling in swimsuits, as one does, and sent the pics to John. After hearing like a million tween app references in the past episodes (Twitter, Keek, Instagram…) I am glad we have to stick to the ol’ chatroom.

Max and Nev send an email blast to all the members of the anxiety chat room looking for information on Kelsey. They find an awesome girl Ellie, who lives in the Faroe Islands (!!!) that is willing to chat with the guys. She pops up quickly over web cam and says that her and Kelsey are great friends. See, even Ellie has the internet and a web cam in the Faroe Islands!! No more bad connection excuses!! But they’ve never talked on the phone. And oh hey, she is “dating” a guy named Adam from that same anxiety chat room. They have never met or spoke over web cam either. Nev and Max seem a little distracted by the fact she is located in the Faroe Islands, cause that’s totally awesome, and the fact she is a cute girl willing to date guys from this chat room. She does let it slip that her and John used to flirt a little, but not anymore since she started dating Adam. This kinda seems like a two-for-one Catfish special.

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Finally Max and Nev just direct message Kelsey, cause what else are they going to do to get to the bottom of this MYSTERY? She says she is in Orlando and she is even willing to meet up the next day. Hipster travel montage!!! I think the whole gang is just excited to leave snowy depressing Detroit. They get to Orlando and head immediately to the address provided by Kelsey. It is an empty lot :(   Kelsey says it was like a test see, and she just wanted to see if they would really show up, ya know. Now John is pissed, and he knows he’s about to be set up big time. Kelsey provides another address, to a “cafe”, and says to meet her there. When they get there, it is more a conference center SLASH online gambling joint??

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This seems very Florida to me.

Anyway, they walk around and find the kid named Adam, Ellie’s boyfriend, who tries to be all “surprise bitches!! I am the King Catfish!!” but Max is all, drop the camera (gently), and “I’M OUT”. He is pissed that he wasted all those one liners leading up to meeting this n00b.

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7 comments on “Catfish Recap: “I am the King Catfish!”

  1. qupert says:

    At this point in the game, don’t we all think that people are just doing this for a chance to get on the show? I mean in the beginning it was real and really interesting, but now I think people are just doing it for the show. :\

  2. AmberAtkins says:

    I totally thought john and Ellie were going to end up together. That would’ve been a great ending!

  3. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    Was it wrong that I laughed out loud when we saw “Kelsey”? And I laughed the entire time that asspickle Adam was all, “I’m a playa playa, yo! Ise got bitches on the line as I use all those internet casino credits to use the actual internet instead of fun slots games!”

    John handled it much better than I would have. Adam’s face would have been pressed to the hot dog roller machine in the back (I’m assuming there is one – the internet casino I used to go to had free pop, snacks, and hot dogs all day).

  4. churble says:

    My favorite thing was that he said he timed the machines so he always hit the “jackpot” and then I’m pretty sure we hear him say he makes about $60 a day and goes home. So basically you’re super awesome plan to make all kinds of money is to sit in that place, which you KNOW smells like a cross between a bowling alley and a nursing home, for who knows how long, time the machines, and win just a little more than a minimum wage job would pay.

  5. Big Pink Box says:

    My favorite thing was that he said he timed the machines so he always hit the “jackpot” and then I’m pretty sure we hear him say he makes about $60 a day and goes home.

    Playa’s stackin’ papers, gettin’ paid yo. I bet his double-wide be tricked out. Mad stylings, 56k dialup, a PS2, and his very own Real Doll
    that totes isn’t just a mannequin he found in the woods behind his kickin’ pad, and “modified” with a drill, and a washing up glove full of vaseline. All that good shit. Bitchez be all up in that guy’s shizzit. Don’t be hatin’ because you ain’t him!

  6. Limey T says:

    I enjoyed this episode, felt more like old school catfish. Although I was upset nothing got thrown in a river.
    John really impressed me, but it made me wonder how much he already knew because he was super mega calm. Either that or he has been through a loooooot of counselling because he had some serious coping strategies.

    Also, Ellie? What is she still doing with that freak? I thought that was the worst bit of the whole show, makes me wonder how manipulative he is / vulnerable she really is. Super creepy boy.

  7. Ryan Lewis says:

    I agree with you, Limey T, Ellie is either super naive or desperate to get an American passport. How could she ever look at Adam again?!? He duped her to the utmost level: pretending to be a girl in order to learn her innermost thoughts, manipulating her into posting a profile to gain additional information and let’s not forget pretending with John (and countless others) to be this wonderful, sexy girl in order to keep them away from the object of his obsession not affection. All in all, Adam/Kelsey/idiot got off waaaay better than he deserved… I would have called the police. He’s obviously a sick, potentially dangerous, cyber-stalker with a questionable soul. Ellie, and anyone else who comes in contact with him should take extreme caution!

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