Catfish Recap: “I am the King Catfish!”

Hellooo Trasktalkers!!! This week felt like old times again with Nev, Max and a love struck doofus looking for answers. I was starting to lose hope that we wouldn’t have anymore surprise endings this season after so much T-Lights and Tracie Thoms promotion. BUT this week I was really invested in the first three quarters of the episode. It kinda fell flat when we met the Catfish, but unless they say something awesome like “this is cause you called me a fat ass Kelly Price three years ago!!”, it always falls flat when the mystery is over.

Nev and Max get the “Cat” Signal in the sky – an email from producers with information about this weeks case. Before Max can make a Catman and Robin joke, Nev starts reading the email from John, a 27 year old Detroit native, WHO WORKS IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY (IT),  that has been chatting with the girl of his dreams, Kelsey. John drops the “L Bomb” when talking to Nev and Max about his feelings for Kelsey. The two met in a chat room about psychology, specifically anxiety. Kelsey lives in Florida and she is deep, like smart deep, but doesn’t really like sharing photos or refuses to chat over web cam cause she’s got a serious case of Body Dysmorphia.  Eeek. Well, John is in IT and Max points out that  she couldn’t use the excuse that she had a bad connection cause he could solve that bad connection. I don’t this that is really true, IT guys in Detroit can’t just solve bad internet connections in Florida. That said, this is a dumb point because there really shouldn’t be a any bad internet connections anywhere anymore.

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Max and Nev take advantage of John’s IT profession to make a lot of bad puns on their way to meet up with John in Detroit. They joke John and Kelsey “have a bug in their relationship”, “there’s a connection error” and John is about to do a “hard reboot of his life”. A hard reboot is physically turning something completely OFF then ON again, which I think means John would have to die and come back to life like Jesus. So maybe it’s more appropriate to say John is about to refresh his bookmarks? I don’t know but I don’t think the kid needs to be resurrected. Finally they meet John and Max is completely distracted by the amount of snow on the ground in Detroit. He seems just as bored with this season as we are at this point. Max finally asks John if  him and Kelsey “dabbled in the dark arts of, um,  sexting?” Oh no! John DID send Kelsey a dick pic but she wasn’t really feeling it. I agree with Max that is probably a good thing she wasn’t super into his dick pic and wanted more.

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Later on, Nev and Max get to work investigating Kelsey in their hotel room. This is tough because all they have is her chat room screen name, Kelsey.Bezzlebub (AKA THE DEVIL). There are just as many red flags as bad IT puns, like John only heard Kelsey’s voice once and she has no Facebook or social media accounts to stalk. Nev and Max do a basic Google Image search with Kelsey’s bikini photos that lead to nothing. Apparently when she wasn’t feeling self conscious she was modeling in swimsuits, as one does, and sent the pics to John. After hearing like a million tween app references in the past episodes (Twitter, Keek, Instagram…) I am glad we have to stick to the ol’ chatroom.

Max and Nev send an email blast to all the members of the anxiety chat room looking for information on Kelsey. They find an awesome girl Ellie, who lives in the Faroe Islands (!!!) that is willing to chat with the guys. She pops up quickly over web cam and says that her and Kelsey are great friends. See, even Ellie has the internet and a web cam in the Faroe Islands!! No more bad connection excuses!! But they’ve never talked on the phone. And oh hey, she is “dating” a guy named Adam from that same anxiety chat room. They have never met or spoke over web cam either. Nev and Max seem a little distracted by the fact she is located in the Faroe Islands, cause that’s totally awesome, and the fact she is a cute girl willing to date guys from this chat room. She does let it slip that her and John used to flirt a little, but not anymore since she started dating Adam. This kinda seems like a two-for-one Catfish special.

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Finally Max and Nev just direct message Kelsey, cause what else are they going to do to get to the bottom of this MYSTERY? She says she is in Orlando and she is even willing to meet up the next day. Hipster travel montage!!! I think the whole gang is just excited to leave snowy depressing Detroit. They get to Orlando and head immediately to the address provided by Kelsey. It is an empty lot :(   Kelsey says it was like a test see, and she just wanted to see if they would really show up, ya know. Now John is pissed, and he knows he’s about to be set up big time. Kelsey provides another address, to a “cafe”, and says to meet her there. When they get there, it is more a conference center SLASH online gambling joint??

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This seems very Florida to me.

Anyway, they walk around and find the kid named Adam, Ellie’s boyfriend, who tries to be all “surprise bitches!! I am the King Catfish!!” but Max is all, drop the camera (gently), and “I’M OUT”. He is pissed that he wasted all those one liners leading up to meeting this n00b.

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John is justifiably pissed and hilariously all “how’d you like my dick pic bro??” to Adam, which is a great question.  Adam claims that these shenanigans were totally superficial and he has Catfished like 30 to 40 other people. But what about Ellie? Adam says that him and Ellie are legit, he really cares about her. He also claims that this conference center/gambling joint is where he works, and he rigs the games to win  the jackpot every time. He seems really proud of this and says he has all the numbers recorded on his phone so that he can cheat. I don’t really believe any of that but I do want to learn more about why Adam asked them to meet him at this gambling center and then immediately declare he was cheating at the gambling center out loud all along?  I guess that is like agreeing to meet up with MTV’s Catfish when you are THE Catfish though so what do I know.  The gang leave Adam and immediately call Ellie to tell her what her creeper online boyfriend has been up to lately. She is understandably upset and weirded out about her boyfriends online relationship with another man -cause at this point Adam literally has an online boyfriend AND an online girlfriend.

The next day Adam and John sit down to talk. John is really super cool about this whole thing, especially considering these two met in an anxiety chatroom, and just tells Adam that he’s a smart guy that should put all this effort into productive activities instead of talking to dudes to just mess with them online. I applaud John for keeping his composure, but if he just punched Adam in his face a lot less guys would pull this fake catfish shit on nice guys like him. We learn more about Adam’s true motivations; he created Kelsey to learn about Ellie before pursuing her romantically, and at the same time used Kelsey to lure John away from potentially trying to date Ellie. Hmm.. that kinda makes sense.. but he didn’t have to continue on the relationship with John for so long the guy fell in love with him, right? There seems to be something a little off here.

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A few months later…. Adam and Ellie are still dating (WHAT??) and Adam is now in Los Angeles trying to pursue his dream of becoming a writer. John is dating someone else long distance located in Illinois but she seems real enough to visit so he’s also in a better place. Why didn’t John and Ellie end up together??? Cmon Ellie!!! You seemed kinda smart!!

What did you guys think? Did this episode pique your interest or are you getting bored of this season?? Were you surprised that Ellie and John didn’t end up together? Do you think Ellie may be a man catfishing Adam to steal all of his Florida gambling center coins? Me neither, but a girl can dream…

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