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Chrisley Knows Best: Two Men and a Baby | TrashTalkTV

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Chrisley Knows Best Recap: Two Men and a Baby

Tuesday night and back to USA Network at 10PM for Chrisley Knows Best. Landing on USA Network this late at night makes me feel like a single dad from the 90s who just put their kids to sleep. Just channel surfing and looking for a friend…

chrisley knows best la femme nikitta usa networkThere she is!  

This week we’re treated to more Chrisley family values and shenanigans. For this group that includes a baby, drug test and off camera fender bender instead of a baby test and drug bender like most reality shows. We start with the drug test. Todd calls Kyle the wild card of the family and drug tests him every week. Wild card? Yea, that might have to do with sending him to Samoa for over half a year. I think you kinda zigged instead of zagged on that parenting decision. They say that whole brainwashing thing sticks with you for good.  Todd watches his son’s urine test and makes a dick joke.

Optimized-chrisley knows best todd kyle drug test bathroom smallDad stop! No seriously, Dad. Stop.

Todd and Savannah head to a parking lot to play driving school. Savannah is killing it with her Prada sunglasses. Not killing it, her cheap Tiffany’s heart charm. If you search necklaces on Tiffany.com, it’ll be first when you sort price low to high. It makes me think her 3K Louis Vuitton is fake. Did Todd approve these accessories as a bundle?

Optimized-todd chrisley knows best savannah louis vuitton prada sunglassesDid he approve that lanyard? 

Todd gets to yell things at Savannah while cameras watch, not making the girl more nervous or anything ya know. Prada patty concentrate! I really hated hearing that phrase AGAIN since I feel like I’ve heard it a million times since the promos started to air. The car is just surrounded with cones in a parking lot, it makes no sense at all. She is bound to hit all those cones.

Optimized-chrisley knows best savannah driving toddGood advice. 

Catherine, Faye and Kyle all live together. Catherine is a random lady in her 90′s that Faye, Kyle’s grandma, kinda adopted. Kyle says he loves it here! He never ever wants to leave his Nannie and that batshit bitch Catherine. Nannie hates the living arrangement, it sucks when she’s trying to give it to the guys she met on ChristianMingle.com

Back at the Chrisley homestead, which is currently for sale btw, Chase is wearing all gray and babysitting Grayson. Now they are just trying to confuse me. And Todd is totally dropping the ball on approving all of the outfits his family wears on this show. Grayson goes through his bucket list which includes skydiving, playing Xbox and court side Lakers tickets.  It is an appropriately dumb bucket list for a 7 year old or anyone for that matter. Bucket lists are the worst. 

This week we find out what Julie cares about: babies!! Specifically, her granddaughter. Grandchildren solve everything.  If Israel and Palestine had a baby together, the Middle East would be fine (no it wouldn’t). Kyle has a baby named Chloe but he doesn’t have custody. Julie and Todd are going to surprise him with custody of Chloe for half of the time. Kyle also passed his drug test so he isn’t getting sent away anytime soon. Todd says that Kyle used to be a user who cost the family $1M in his rehab stints and whatever else he fucked up along the way to get there. We never get to learn what he used or just how many times he was sent away to do wilderness things. Todd tosses Kyle a softball when he asks which moment did he decide to never use again, and Kyle said when his daughter was born. Now Kyle is a good boy and only goes to the strip club once a week. This is definitely an ATL thing. I wonder if he sits with Peter and Apollo at Magic City, Kyle’s club of choice. Kyle makes a joke to his father and says Catherine should be working at Magic City. Huh?

Optimized-catherine katherine chrisley knows best todd usa networkThat’s creepy Kyle, not okay.

The day finally comes to bring baby Chloe home. Well 2nd home half of the time. The kidnapping is successful and Julie is beaming with joy. Maybe Phaedra Parks did the lawyering thing to get custody for the Chrisleys.  Kyle says he’s ready to be a dad at 23 and that’s a good thing cause the genius is already a dad.

Off camera Savannah hit a parked car at Zaxby’s. She and Chase think up a lie and debate what to tell their parents. Listen, if you’re 16 and anything happens to a car, it’s your fault. No one is buying your lies and now you’re just wasting our screen time. Tell us more bad things Kyle has done! Radar Online and I would love to know.

Julie doesn’t give a fuck about some starter Benz because she has Chloe in her arms.  Chloe is a super cute tiny little baby. Her name is spelled correctly which is amazing in this family. I bet that was Chloe’s mom’s decision and not Kyle/Todd/Julie.

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14 comments on “Chrisley Knows Best Recap: Two Men and a Baby

  1. considerthis says:

    Great recap and spot on with your assessments of this train wreck of a family. The contradictory nature of this show has my head constantly spinning (perhaps like one of Kyle’s drug benders).

    Where to begin…with the 2 eldest children having some major issues and the nest two well on their way – I am going to have to respectfully disagree that Chrisley Knows Best. Perhaps a better title might be Chrisley Knows Best how to Fu&k Up His Kids?

    Kyle – NEED a full blown bio on this rebel without a clue. 1 million in rehab before he turned 23 yrs old – banging a married woman and becoming a baby daddy – loves the jiggley room. Lives (steal money and meds) with his Mamaw and her lesbian sex slave. NOW that’s a reality star in the making! You know he was shooting up Kerosine and banged some married (hubby in prison) crack ho workin the pole at Ted’s TA TA emporium.

    Lindsay (my favorite name and will only spell it this way) – Forget the boobs – get this girl a meal. She screams eating disorder and controlling food and running away from controlling dad into the arms of Zzzz fits perfectly. She too needs help.

    Savannah – She will be the best model money can buy. Will not be able to rely on her intelligence to get by in the world. Please along with big sis get buy one get one free nose jobs. Her nasally whine is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

    Mom – She obviously to a page out of Kyle’s playbook and between the pills and booze in comfortably numb playing beard.

    2 other sons – Seem to be trying too hard for the cameras and are soooo scripted.

    Please keep the “behind the scenes” scoop coming as it is often more interesting than the show.

  2. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I totally agree with considerthis — this sideshow is more tightly scripted than Duck Dynasty or Myrtle Manor — and trying rilly, rilly hard to be a quirky, heart-warming meld of those two shows. Instead of groady patriarch Phil spouting homey peckerwood platitudes and praising jeebus, we get Chrisely’s homilies about what he supposes is his endearingly eccentric family.

    I like my train wreck TV to have at least a semblance of spontaneity, i.e. reality. Catburns, your recaps are way more entertaining than this hot mess.

    That whole pantomime at the sweet sixteen party with the omnipotent wise daddy Chrisely rousting his horny, will-rut-anything-at-the-drop-of-a-hat son out of the car before he defiled that sweet young thang was such utter horse shit. And I hate to tell them but the whole prom dress is too skimpy, daddy-doesn’t-approve-so-you’ll-have-to-wear-a-burqa schtick was already done on Duck Dynasty and it was just as asinine and contrived.

    And what was 7-year-old Grayson doing dancing the night away at the sweet sixteen party. Was the curfew at 7:00 p.m.? Was that on his bucket list?

    The whole car accident thing was beyond ridiculous. This show falls into the “hate watch” territory for me.

  3. ali says:

    If the show is this bad where everything that is said or done there is a such thing as change the channel and invite the world to watch your new show. My life maybe more fucked up then the Chrisley’s

  4. Ann Dashiell says:

    I think it’s a entertaining look at a large family who deals with the same problems everyone faces with children. He is not a beer drinking, cigar smoking male; his personality is more feminine, who cares? He loves his family…. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

  5. Joy says:

    I think it is hysterical

  6. P.J. says:

    Change the channel, bycatburns. I didn’t read your comments because I was looking for them. I was trying to find info on the grand babies. I won’t google info for that again.

  7. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Bless your heart, this is TrashTalkTV. We try our very best not to say anything nice, but thank you for the platitude. It was precious.

  8. lund416 says:

    I worry about the intentions of this family in regards to ‘Catherine’. I wonder if she’s got money. Because when this Chrisley family loses all their money in the variety of lawsuits and bankruptcies, you better believe they are going to use her up for every last cent she’s got. I can’t believe they ate dinner and parked this poor old woman in the living room by herself. This is a family of leeches and manipulators. I wouldn’t trust them for a second around anyone with an extra $20 lying around.

  9. debra says:

    What a bunch of pretentious assholes… this site and some commenters… not the family. I think they are a hoot and wish them luck.

  10. carol says:

    Plain and simple, it’s a stupid show taking up air space that a good show could use

  11. ginger says:

    Haha get to see white people be dumb on t.v…..priceless

  12. I just wanna know is Chloe bi – racial?

  13. ali says:

    That comment from ginger is stupid as stupid is. These shows are not to say its Monday night time to watch the colored people act a fool and any other race throughout the week. We are who we choose to be.

  14. ali says:

    She is very much bi racial. The trick to the black dna.ha. usually when the father is white and mother is black the child has a slight tint but the hair is more refined than that of the black american hair. Now if the mother is white and father is black the hair is more like the curly but african american hair. At times you cant tell if the person is mixed the look more like a lighter skin tone with a slight yellow or red tint. Just my observation. But check it out yourself

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