Recap: Are You The One (Who's Going To Give Me Herpes)? Ep. 1-4 | TrashTalkTV - Part 3

Recap: Are You The One (Who’s Going To Give Me Herpes)? Ep. 1-4

Jacy playing hood rat
Jacy: Should I lose the preliminary clap-off, I will not hesitate to cut a bitch

After their altercation, Chris T. can no longer contain himself and he kisses his violent, shit-starting new lady, while interviewing that he knows it’s early, but he also trusts how strong his feelings are for Shanley. No one in the house is particularly thrilled that two amongst them have decided to hook up when they should all really be working together to win the money. What if they’re not a match? Chris T. maintains that his gut is telling him Shanley is the girl for him. Shanley interviews that given how often she goes crazy, it’s really great to have Chris T. around to calm her down. Yeah, this relationship’s gonna last.

Chris T and Shanley canoodling by the pool
When you know you know! I wonder how many people have said that about an ex-spouse.

The next morning, it’s time for the first Getaway Challenge. The group is assigned to take provocative selfies, with the opposite sex then trying to assign body parts to castmates. Each correct guess earns one point, with the top two guys and the top two girls winning a date with the houseguest of their choice.

Selfie Scali
Please tell me that camera is pointed anywhere but his face

Selfie bra and panties
That had to hurt. A lot.

Selfie boobies

Your parents must be so proud

Selfie time gives us occasion to re-meet 15-one-night-stand Adam. He admits his manwhoring ways, but claims that manwhore behavior is merely what every single guy would exhibit if only they were hot enough like he is.

Selfie wtf
Adam: Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful (Pssst: That’s not why we hate you)

In the end, Wes and Joey win for the men, prompting Joey to do a backflip. Jessica blew everyone else out of the water, while Shanley just edges Amber in a sudden death tie-breaker to take the second ladies’ spot. The dates line up like this:

Jessica and Adam
Wes and Brittany
Shanley and Chris T.
Joey and Kayla

They get to go sailing around the coast the next day. Brittany interviews that she feels nothing for Wes, but she’s happy to go on the date nonetheless since she’s got her eye on Adam. Should be interesting. Before they leave for the night, Host Ryan introduces the Truth Booth and tells them that the challenge losers will decide which of the couples enter to see if they’re a match.

Back at the mansion, the liquor is flowing again so it must be a day that ends in y. Shanley and Chris T. are discussing the impact of the Truth Booth on their fast-forwarded relationship. Chris T. is convinced they’re a perfect match but Shanley’s not so sure. I really hope they get voted into the Truth Booth.

Meanwhile John interviews that he likes dominant girls who are independent and have that whole “I don’t give a f@#k! I can do what I want!” vibe because he likes to do what he wants to do too. Enter Simone. She says she and John are like french fries and ice cream…you’d never think to put those things together but it just works.

John and Simone about to kiss
Match made in fast-food heaven

The next day on the four-couple date-from-hell, Jessica and Adam are having the worst date of all time ever. From what I can gather that’s because Jessica is gorgeous and smart and determined and sort of amazing and Adam is a walking disease who thinks women were put on Earth to please men.

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11 comments on “Recap: Are You The One (Who’s Going To Give Me Herpes)? Ep. 1-4

  1. BigSpain says:

    I don’t watch this show but just want to say Kayla’s father is the preacher at my hometown church!! That is all.

  2. Monchee79 says:

    Thanks for recapping. I currently live in Shanghai, so it’s next to impossible to catch these shows, but the recaps are some of my favorite things to read. I get the feeling this cap is better than the show. It has the added benefit of making sure I don’t catch a tv STD from these brain cases. Keep it up!

  3. labowner says:

    So these kids have never played the color peg game? And if Jessica is so fucking smart she should have figured out who the four correct couples are. Can you imagine the guy who was “matched” with Brittany and how he must feel.

  4. Jana Walters says:

    I love this show’s concept and the recap! Yummy guilty pleasure!

  5. Lisa says:

    I’ve been hoping someone would recap this show. Thanks, great recap!

  6. labowner says:

    R1: Two correct – Amber/Ryan, Ashleigh/Sscali, Brittany/Adam (R1,3), Coleysia/Dillan (R1,3), Jacy/Dre, Jessica/Chris T., Kayla/Wes, Paige/Joey, Shanley/Ethan, Simone/John (no match)

    R2: Four correct – Amber/Ethan (R2,3), Ashleigh/Dre (R2,3), Brittany/Joey, Coleysia/Wes, Jacy/ John, Jessica/Dillan (no match), Kayla/Ryan (R2,3), Paige/Chris T., Shanley/Adam, Simone/Sscali

    R3: Two correct – Amber/Ethan (R2,3), Ashleigh/Dre (R2,3), Brittany/Adam, (R1,3), Coleysia/Dillan (R1,3), Jacy/Wes, Jessica/John, Kayla/Ryan (R2, 3), Paige/Sscali, Shanley/Joey
    Simone/ChrisT

    They really need to get either B/A in the booth or C/D.

  7. Aunt Dorsey says:

    “Episode 2 opens with a 7-minute recap of the first episode because MTV clearly thinks their viewing audience has the combined attention span of a flea. Or they’re training them for eventual Bravo viewership. It could totally be that.”

    Genius!

  8. NouveauPoor NouveauPoor says:

    First off, thank you guys so much for the comments. It’s really great to be back! An Aunt Dorsey endorsement is cause for many smiles!

    Second, labowner, THANK YOU! I was going to assign everyone a number and try and figure all these matches out but four episodes of this show made my brain temporarily disconnect. I can’t believe they’re not using note cards or something, making every possible pairing and giving each a percentage…something other than just drinking all the time!? I didn’t even think about how weird Brittany’s supposed lobster will feel when he finds out. She’s so stinking crazy!!! Maybe it’s John…

    Great to have you around, MonChee! And BigSpain…the Sister Wives use the same midwife I used with my daughter and I can’t tell enough people that whenever the show comes up so I understand what it feels like to be so few degrees separated from a reality star. Fun!

  9. Lizbot says:

    It seems to me that these “geniuses” would benefit from having an actual therapist on the show to point out that the reason they suck at relationships is probably due to their personalities rather than being unable to meet their “perfect match”. If two dysfunctional people get together, their relationship is likely to implode at some point, no matter how compatible they are in their dysfunctionality. Like, can you imagine Brittany in a functional relationship with anyone? And yet the show claims that one of these guys is her perfect match. I’m going to guess whoever the guy is, he has a pretty take charge personality (based on your recaps, I’m going to guess Dre? I don’t have a good sense of most of the guys), but anyone who would put up with that kind of crazy for an extended period of time would have to be pretty insecure, crazy and/or controlling (read: potentially abusive) themselves.

  10. labowner says:

    LIzbot he could literally dick slap her around.

  11. aurorab423 says:

    I’m such a statistics nerd, I’ve got my chart all setup.This is like STD Bingo!

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