Welcome to Myrtle Manor Trailer Park Skank-Off

MARVIN BLONDE

Welcome to my first recap of “Trailer Park: Welcome to Myrtle Manor.”  Holy good Jesus what have I gotten myself into???

This show is in Season 2, and I didn’t watch or recap Season 1, so I have tried to catch up this week.  Wow.  So if you didn’t watch Season 1… here is a little recap of the characters (meant in more ways than one) and what went down in Season 1.

The show is set at a Trailer Park (duh) in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, called Myrtle Manor.  I’ve heard through the grapevine that it also called “Patrick’s.”  Myrtle Manor is a park consisting of 120 trailers, and there are TONS of rules one has to follow as a resident of Myrtle Manor.  They won’t rent to people with bad rims or tats or dress seductively…or so they say, but so far it seems this is ONLY to whom they rent.

cecil

The owner of Myrtle Manor is Cecil Patrick.  He’s an older, no-nonsense gentleman who has put his daughter, Becky, in charge. His motto is “No Pay, No Stay.”  He’s consistently grouchy, is constantly threatening to evict people and always tells Becky she is doing a crap job.  He has owned the park for many, many years, but at the end of Season 1, he basically sold the park… but more on that later.

BECKY

Becky, while sometimes tough, is also a pushover with a soft heart.  Her father turned the management of the park over to her, but she keeps making a mess of things and he’s constantly threatening to fire her.  She tries to enforce the rules and holds a weekly Town Hall Meeting at the trailer park’s hair salon- Tangulls- and every week it’s “The Airing of the Grievances.”  And normally, the topics and issues are stuff that really shouldn’t be between landlord and tenant.

Alyson is Becky’s 20 year old daughter who took over management of the park for a short time in Season 1. Cecil turned it over to her when Becky had jacked something up particularly badly.  The residents made her cry and boycotted her Town Hall meeting with picket signs, so Becky was put back in charge.

jeana with a J

There is a narrator- “Jeana with a J” is her name.  Jeana is Becky’s Aunt (and Cecil’s sister in law), although they have to be pretty close in age.  Jeana just ended her 20 year marriage and is motorcycle chick.  BTW- Rule #17 of Myrtle Manor is “Idle in / Idle out” no moped or motorcycle riding in the park.  Jeana seems pretty normal.

The other residents are a bunch of characters… and they tend to drink a lot:

Screen Shot 2014-01-17 at 9.29.14 PM
Jared

There’s Jared who is a useless drifter.  He rides a motorcycle.  Becky has a soft spot for Jared and basically GAVE him a trailer to live in for free until he found a job.  The problem is, Jared doesn’t like to work, isn’t motivated to find a job and when he gets a job he can’t actually KEEP the job.  He’s, kind of, a musician, but in season 1 had stints as a Putt Putt maintenance man, dish washer, and male stripper.  None of them lasted.

weiner girls
You can’t beat our meat

Then there are the Darlin’ Dogs / Wiener Girls.  Season 1 starts with Chelsey and Lindsey.  They sell hot dogs on the beach, and don’t sell very many of them.  Probably because they can’t cook.  They smoke cigarettes constantly- even when preparing the hot dogs. They always seem to have enough money for cigs and beer.

They have a Hot Dog cart, but neither of them has a trailer hitch on their car in order to USE the cart to sell the hot dogs.

Amanda
Amanda

Midway through Season 1, they meet Amanda at a bar and ask her to move in with them and work at Darlin’ Dogs with them.  The main reason they hook up with her is because she has a trailer hitch on her Jeep.  Amanda is a drunken red neck, but she is pretty likeable.  Although it turned out to be a good move because Amanda is a hard worker (relatively speaking) and she can cook.

Amanda and Lindsey don’t really get along and they end up having a fist fight and Lindsey leaves Darlin’ Dogs and moves out… never to be heard from again.

chelsey and jared
Every lasting relationship begins with a Beer Bong

Jared and Chelsey hook up in Season 1 and end up getting married in the Season Finale… and they are actually STILL married a year later.  They are both pretty dumb so… yeah, this should work out.

bandit peggy waiting to get their hairs did
Waiting to get our hairs did

Tangulls is the Myrtle Manor hair salon- rumored to have been built just for the show.  But it was condemned in Episode #2… so if it was built just for the show and condemned that quickly… you can imagine what a filthy sh*thole it is.  Gina and Roy run Tangulls.

GINA ROY

I don’t think either of them actually lives in Myrtle Manor, but they are the gossip center of the park.  Roy is an old Queen show loves to dress in drag.  Roy worked in pageants and is a make-up artist.  He has cheek implants and gets his lips injected… but his Wookie Tits are all his.

roy bikini
Bringing Sexy Back

Roy and Gina also drink heavily.

i'm fed up roy
This is, pretty much, every day with these two

There is also Taylor and Jessica who are dating, but they aren’t in Season 2, so I won’t even elaborate other than to say they are bat sh*t crazy.  But Taylor’s mom Anne is still around.   Anne is a little bit nuts.

ANNE
ANNES CAT DECOR
Typical decor in Anne’s Trailer

She loves her cat that almost died in Season 1, she loves Flamingos and she likes to drink white wine.  Anne is good friends with Marvin.

MARVIN
Not feeling very secure, are you?

Marvin is the head of the security at Myrtle Manor.  He rarely makes sense and he has a gostache, which, is PRACTICALLY a Hitler ‘stache.  He has pink hubcaps also.  He was the lead investigator in “PeeGate” Season 1.   Marvin things Jared is a vampire.

Other residents of Myrtle Manor:

bandit 2

Bandit. He is a supposed jingle writer and lives in a luxurious double-wide.  Inside he has mold and mildew for which he blames Becky.   He knows he isn’t supposed to have pets at Myrtle Manor, but he has got a ton of roaches- which he tries to kill with soap and water.  Psst, roaches would survive a nuclear winter…. He also has mold and mildew for which he blames Becky…but he isn’t exactly CLEAN.  He owes tons of back rent and says he has “no bone in his shoulder.”  He moved out in Season 1…but it looks like he is back in some capacity in Season 2.   He has no bone in his shoulder.

peggy
Hmmm, Peggy looks almost normal in this picture. 

Miss Peggy has lived in Myrtle Manor for 30 years.  She is up in everyone’s business and is older than dirt.  She’s drunk 80% of the time and likes to skinny dip at the Myrtle Manor pool parties… in broad daylight.  She is heavily sub-titled.

Shellie is a Wiccan and bar owner… she was on randomly in Season1.

Some highlights of Season 1:

  • After 43 years, the manor got a pool

POOL OPENING

  • Jeana had a biker party while Cecil was on vacation
  • Various people passed out drunk on lawn chairs within the park
  • Amanda, physically, fought Lindsey and Jessica after Lindsey spray painted “Whore” on Chelsey and Amanda’s Door.  Stay classy girls.
  • Miss Peggy skinny dipped at the pool opening

peggy skinny dipping
My eyes!  My eyes!!!

signs
I mean, if they have a sign for peeing, shouldn’t they have a sign for THIS?!?

•        They held a beauty pageant and crowned Miss Myrtle Manor:  Becky won

Miss Myrtle Manor
Here she is…Miss Myrtle Manor

  •  Marvin developed a crush on Anne and wants to ask her out.
  •   Tangulls was condemned.
  •  Becky’s husband kicked Taylor’s ass because he spoke to Alyson.
  • Anne and Miss Peggy’s garden hoses were stolen
  • After a fight, Taylor peed on Jessica’s bed and this launched Pee Gate in which Marvin took “piss samples” from Taylor, Jessica and Gus (Taylor’s old bull dog).  And declared Jessica to be “The Pisser” but everyone suspects Marvin mixed up the samples, as Jessica peeing on her own bed doesn’t exactly make sense.

PEE GATE
Pee Gate

  • For fun Jared and Taylor hit golf balls off the roof of Jared’s trailer and then smashed up an old tv and set it on fire… for fun.  Then they dumped the gasoline soaked, torches tv in the blue recycling bin.

TRAILER PARK GOLF
FORE!!

TV ON FIRE

  • Marvin, while training Chelsey as a deputy security guard, managed to get himself handcuffed behind his back.

TIRES
Rule #28- tires in your front yard are mandatory

So that’s Season 1.  Let’s move onto Season 2.  I haven’t been able to find episodes online yet… so bear with me, getting pictures are a challenge.  MisRed is doing her best.

Cecil, who sold Myrtle Manor at the end of Season 1, changed his mind at the last minute.  Season 2 opens in summer, Becky is back in charge and Cecil is going on vacation.  This means that the rules of the park get relaxed… a little.  With Cecil out of town, what could go wrong?

On his way out of town in his RV, Cecil and his wife billboard proclaiming “Village Creek #1 Trailer Park in Myrtle Beach.”  Cecil calls Becky to see if she knows about this billboard.  The local radio show voted “Village Creek” #1 and Cecil and Becky are suspicious.  Becky knows the manager of Village Creek and she’s nasty.  Cecil wants Becky to handle it in his absence.  Uh…exactly what is she going to “handle?”  Becky snarls “There’s no way that chain-smoking skank is going to get the best of me!”

Checking in with the newlyweds, Chelsey is now a tied down married woman, she and Jared have been married for 10 months.

chelsey and jared
The Lovebirds

But Roy lets it be known that he would be happy to take Jared off Chelsey’s hands.  The Darlin’ Dogs is no more.  Chelsey got a grown-up job at a law firm.  Jared is staying home, working on his passion: Music.  Chelsey tells Jared that he still has to do stuff around the house if she is making the money.  He needs to do laundry and buy groceries, etc.

At the weekly Town Hall meeting, Becky tells the residents about the billboard proclaiming Village Creek being voted #1.  The residents are shocked!  Roy thinks Village Creek is where cousins who marry live.  But more importantly, 4th of July is coming up and the Myrtle Manor gang is going to have a party.  Becky appoints Miss Jane to plan the party… she’s 86 years old.  But Amanda decides that she’s going to take over planning the party.

Marvin’s words of Wisdom: “Amanda is the closest name to America so it makes perfect sense to choose her to plan the party.”

don juan
He’s a regular John Mayer

Marvin decides he is going to axe Anne out.  “My romance with Anne rivals that of a fairytale.”   Marvin joins Anne on her porch swing.  “Time is of essence.  I perceive time is of essence.  Time consists of everything balances everything into…. what is the word I’m looking for?”  Eventually Marvin gets around to asking Anne out and Anne says yes.  They proceed to shake hands.

it's a date
Let’s shake on it

Anne is curious to see what Marvin will come up with for a date.

You can always count on gossip in the trailer park.  The girls are playing cards, Roy, Peggy, Jeana with a J and Gina.  They gossip.  Taylor has moved out- and a lady has moved in… and rumor has it that men have been in and out and women have been in and out.  Just then, they see a man go in and another come out two seconds later.  They think something is not right.  They suspect she is a whore of some type.  Roy thinks they are clients … or customers.  In reality, she’s probably, like, a therapist or seamstress or something completely innocent.  But these cackling hens have it all figured out and it’s tawdry.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Jared is trying to pick up some domestic duties because he loves Chelsey.
He stops by to see Amanda- she’s making “drunk as a skunk chicken,” she’s made it a million times, but most of the time she doesn’t remember cuz she was drunk.  She is going to teach Jared to make this chicken and “He looks as confused as a redneck in a spelling bee.”

Amanda says “When Chelsey gets back from the aquarium she’s gonna love this.”

Jared says “What do you mean aquarium?  Why isn’t she at the law office?”
Amanda plays dumb… which isn’t that hard for her.

Marvin goes into Tangulls and tells Roy, Gina and Peggy that he is going out with Anne and wants some advice on his gotache.  Roy wants to shave it off and Gina wants to dye it blonde.  WTF is a gostache!?!?!

Screen Shot 2014-01-17 at 10.14.34 PM
Behold the gostache

Roy, Gina and Kim (new cast member) are sitting around talking…and Kim says she is going to wear flip flops to the 4th of July party.  Only flip flops.  Yikes. Amanda wanders up, because that’s what happens in a trailer park and states that this party is going to be legendary.  Roy wants to know what Amanda is bringing to the party?  Amanda says “Your favorite thing, Roy- the meat.”  Amanda likes to use a dry rub.  Kim loves a wet rub.  Roy likes a moist rub, a little salty… Gina says that’s how Roy likes all his rubs.  Bahaha

Becky is planning a meet-up with Roxy, the chain-smoking, skank manager of Village Creek.  OMG she’s Mary Louise Parker from The Client.

ROXY CLIENT
Y’all gotta do something about Riiiiiiiiiiicky

Looks like they are meeting up in some vacant lot.  Roxy says that Becky used to pick on her when they were little.  And Becky says Roxy used to pick on her when they were little.  So I suspect they were both little jerks.

CONFRONTATION

They exchange words and it is on.  They jabber at each other and Roxy puts her finger in Becky’s face and Becky threatens to break it.  Becky tells Roxy she will see her in her nightmares… like Freddy Kruger.

The 70's called
The 70’s called… it wants EVERYTHING back

BACKGROUND
Check out all the stuff going on in the background

Chelsey gets ready and leaves for work… and Jared decides to follow her. Great way to start a marriage. He’s sure she is lying to him.  Jared goes to the aquarium to find out what’s what.

Over at Tangulls, Marvin gets in Gina’s chair… Marvin says “Sometimes for a man to feel he is on top of the world… all it takes is to bleach his gostache blonde.”   Marvin contemplates bleaching his brows too.

MARVIN BLONDE
MisRed has nuthin’

“Best case scenario, Anne will love it, worst case scenario… it ain’t long till Halloween.” Roy says.

Jared is walking around the Aquarium and sees Chelsey swimming in the one of the tanks as a mermaid.  He confronts her… she thought he would be mad at her thinking she was parading around in a bathing suit around guys, but it’s really only little kids there.  Chelsey loves Jared and she will do anything to help support his music career.

So these two are lying to each other, stalking one another, and Jared is a useless freeloader who lets a woman support him while he sits in the trailer and does nothing all day- not even cleaning.  Are we all on the same page here?

Roy really wants to find out what is going on with their new, ostensibly, whore neighbor.  He sticks his business card to her door with an invite to the 4th of July party. Gina notes that the whore might not be able to attend because she might lie in the sun and get her back blistered and if she does that she can’t make a living.  Hmmm, do you sense Gina’s husband doesn’t get any variety?

Marvin shows up for his date with Anne in a white tux with a pink vest.  Anne quickly picks up on the fact that Marvin, a black man, has a blond gotache.   She wonders why.

Peggy stops by Amanda’s, she’s preparing for the party by making jello shots.  Peggy says she’s old enough to be Amanda’s mother.  In an interview, Amanda is like does she know how old I am?  And how old she is?  Miss Peggy does a ton of shots and is all jacked up.  Miss Peggy surmises it might be the alcohol that makes it so good.  Ya think? Miss Peggy crawls home.

There is a storm a brewing and it might put a damper on Marvin and Anne’s date. They are at the beach and Anne thinks they are going to do something romantic- like a nice dinner on the beach.  But it turns out they are going to play putt putt.  Anne was looking forward to dinner.  Marvin wants “to prove he can excel at all things at all times.”  So he keeps playing and keeps playing- even in rain.  He plays with himself.  Anne goes off and sits alone while Marvin continues to play putt putt alone. Anne is not happy.

Roy, Gina and Kim are hanging at Tangulls, Roy and Gina crack Kim up.  Peggy shows up at Tangulls all banged up, in her bathrobe. She wants her hair dyed Red White and Blue.  Kim thinks Miss Peggy might regret that later.  Miss Peggy insists, so Roy agrees, but then he just PRETENDS to dye it.  Peggy is so drunk she doesn’t even notice that Roy isn’t actually dying her hair.

It’s party day- homemade tiki torches made from beer cans, watermelon spiked with liquor.  Classy.  Everyone loads up their cars and heads to the beach.  But when the Myrtle Manor folks arrive, Roxanne and her Village Creek skanks have taken over Becky’s private beach spot!  Again Becky and Roxanne exchange words.  This whole Village Creek thing took the wind out of their sails and nobody feels much like partying.  Amanda thinks the Village Creek people look like bunch of inbreds, but she’s got a crush on one of them.  Becky tells Jared to go the fire works – he set off a few small fireworks and then Roxanne sets off a display that rivaled Grucci’s.

Becky can’t win.

This show cracks me up- even though the bulk of it is totally staged.  I love people like this- and I am not being sarcastic.  I went to college in South Carolina and MisRed is totally a redneck deep down.  Maybe not quite as “red” as these guys… Looks like Bandit is coming back and the battle with Roxy is going to continue.  I love Roy- let’s see if he busts his whore.  And I gotta tell you- after recapping American Horror Story- this is a nice breath of fresh, alcohol-laden, air.  Love you guys and your comments.  xoxo

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