Minicap: The Bachelor | TrashTalkTV

Minicap: The Bachelor

Hello, Trashies! We’re back for another season of The Bachelor. That’s right, it’s another season of desperate women fighting for the contractual obligation love of a man who was just dumped on national TV a few months ago. So, I’ve poured a glass of wine, set my #BachelorHair, and I’m ready for this train wreck to get started! Let’s begin by saying hi to this season’s Bachelor:

juan-pablo-1-300Hola, deep V!

Apparently, he’s received the biggest viewer response of any contestant ever. I feel like they say that every season. The introductions tonight are surprisingly boring. If the most interesting introduction is a woman playing the piano, then I think we’re in for a snooze of a season. Where are the batshit crazies straight out of the limo? I hope this doesn’t set the tone for the entire season.

There’s not really a lot to say about this first episode because no one really stood out. Check back soon for the full recap. See you then!

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12 comments on “Minicap: The Bachelor

  1. manolo says:

    Kat… Kaaaaaat. Poor girl, I was too embarrassed for her. That opera singer is beautiful, but those “sirs” of hers are weird.

  2. itchy itchy says:

    Squee! I haven’t watched this first episode yet, only the prepisode — “Countdown to Juan Pablo”. Not only is this guy the first Latino Bachelor, he’s also the first Developmentally-handicapped Bachelor. He’s a two-fer!

    I admit I was kind of touched by their tribute to Gia though. Yes. Yes I was. Gia was the one of the greatest things ever to come out of reality television. I sincerely mean this.

  3. NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV says:

    The Bachelor’s hair is greasy, artfully unkempt, and he hasn’t shaved in three or four days. If he fails in finding Mrs. Right–again–he could always head right over to Top Chef and fail to cook appetizing food…

  4. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I haven’t watched this show since the first season, but I wanna sit at the cool kids’ lunch table so I watched “Countdown to Juan Pablo, Not just a Sperm Donor — He’s a Real Papi” and the opening mixer last night. I DVR’ed them so I could zip through all the commercials that aren’t James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell.

    it didn’t have the same gut wrenching excitement of Flavor Flav’s show, when right out of the gate one of the aspiring fiancees shat on the floor. You can’t beat that for a memorable entrance. Badly played piano and a pillow stuffed in your panties just don’t have the same panache. Let’s hope they amp up the crazy.

  5. itchy itchy says:

    It really helps to have several glasses of wine in you. I only watch the streaming versions of the show, so there are no commercials. This gives the show a certain type of flow — the constant repetition of what you’re about to see, what you just saw, what you are seeing, and what you’ll be seeing later on is like a new form of hallucinogenic drug. After a while, your heart will start pounding and (depending on your gender and sexual preference) you’ll feel as if you yourself are truly there. For the right reasons, of course.

  6. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I had to rub my eyes because, for a hot minute, I thought that geezer-loving party animal from Big Brother, Mr. Showmance himself, Mike Boogie’s slightly-better-looking, younger brother was the host. But then common sense kicked in — his parents absolutely would have used birth control after getting saddled with him.

    But I’ll take your advice and try a bottle of Real Fishwife of NY, Ramoaner Singer’s Pinot Grigio for the next episode.

  7. considerthis says:

    Has society devolved to the point where “FREE SPIRIT” and “DOG LOVER” are acceptable occupations? Get off my TV go home get a real job and re-apply!

    The “cowgirl” who frequently reminded us that she is pretty is my call for psycho-bitch trouble maker.

    I too agree that the tribute to Gia was touching and well done. She was IMO one of the most beautiful and genuine people to be apart of this.

  8. itchy itchy says:

    His name is Chris Hostdouchison, and he provided the mold for ALL host douches. But the best part of him is his hands.They’re mesmerizing. Watch carefully while he’s speaking. It’s like his hands have a mind of their own, speaking a completely different language.

  9. itchy itchy says:

    I’m loving the opera singer though. You just know that idiot is going to pick her week after week, until she finally can’t take it anymore and runs out into traffic, screaming.

    I do believe Juan-Pablum took one too many soccer balls to the head.

    And color me disappointed by this crop of ‘beauties.’ There’s just not much to sink my teeth into this time out. Maybe I’m just jaded, because the Bachelor Australia ended just a few weeks ago and it was amazing. Even had its own weird hostdouche dude.

  10. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Uh, yeah. Kim Twitchards got a paying gig on the Real Fishwives of Beverly Hills. You could describe her as a “free spirited dog lover”. Bonus: she likes turtles and squirrels. Kim’s allegedly imbibed quite a lot of spirits in her day and she had ghosts in her fireplace that talked to her — “free spirits”. Okay at the time she probably had the DTs and/or she’d been up for a week without sleep, but any gal who can take the time to pray by a trashcan is a solid contributing member of society in Bravo’s book.

  11. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I’m so hoping that the opera singer will give us a compilation of Puccini’s greatest hits. Of course, I wouldn’t be adverse to Wagner’s Ring Cycle either….

  12. CrazyTrain says:

    This was my first time watching the Bachelor (maybe.. I watched the first season of either this or the Bachelorette – can’t remember which). I like that juan pablo is family guy. He’s all right looking, the other guys must be fug if he;s the best! I too was disappointing at the lack of crazies. That one girl seemed so meh about getting the first rose, when everyone else was freaking out about it lol Loved that part.

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