Okay, full recap tomorrow, but right now, all you need to know is that Jax is the biggest gossip on this show. I say that because Jax’s 12-year-old girl brain caused the major action on the episode to happen. To wit…
Stassi’s birthday is upon us. It requires a trip, skinnny-dipping and for everyone to be on their best behavior and not ruin said birthday with shenanigans that don’t directly involve her. Then she proceeds to invite a bunch of people who hate each other, namely, Scheana and… the rest of the girls at Sur. The trip supposedly happens almost directly after Ariana, Scheana, Katie, Kristen and Stassi had it out last week. The “A-Team” arrives to the airport and openly wonders about whether or not Scheana is coming, and then Scheana arrives. All of the girls basically ice her out to the point that once they get to Mexico, Scheana decides to ice them out right back and rides to the hotel with the boys (why they split up the vans and rooms like they were at fucking summer camp, I don’t know, but they did). When she gets into the van, Scheana says that she’d rather be gangbanged by all the dudes in the van than ride to the hotel with Stassi, Kristen, Katie and Kristina. Clearly a joke – a crass joke, but a joke nonetheless.
So, fast forward to the hotel, and Jax needs a hairdryer. He brought a bag filled with t-shirts, condoms and morning after pills (cause he’s a gentleman), but no hairdryer. He heads up to the girls room to borrow one, and then, with no provocation at all but to somehow get back into Stassi’s good graces, tells all the girls what Scheana said in the van. The girls, because they have no discernible sense of humor, take grave, GRAVE offense to this remark and decide not to confront Scheana about this, but to simply ignore her at the club they plan on hitting up that night.
And ignore her they do! The problem is, that’s decently difficult when you’re all attending the same person’s birthday party and only five of you are ACTUALLY doing the ignoring. So, Scheana (unaware that anyone is mad at her for something other than what she’s aware of) wanders up to their table when everyone’s doing a birthday shot, and Tom Schwartz hands her one to be nice. Katie is (drunk) VERY displeased that Tom would hand Scheana a shot of alcohol that
Bravo THEY paid for, and Tom calls Katie out for being a drunk bully. This results in Tom and Katie fighting and Tom kind of throwing a drink on Katie. You can imagine how that goes.
SO, the rest of the episode is a beach day, paddleboarding, the slow disintegration of Tom and Katie’s relationship and Stassi’s birthday dinner. She expressly tells Katie that Katie is NOT to get emotional about her relationship falling apart at Stassi’s TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY DINNER. But then Katie and Tom sit next to each other and Scheana (because Scheana is now my favorite evil genius) brings up the drink-slinging of the night before. Tom and Katie start fighting again, and Katie stalks off, MUCH to Stassi’s displeasure.
…and all because Jax likes to gossip more than Andy fucking Cohen.