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Couples Therapy Recap: Lipnado | TrashTalkTV

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Couples Therapy Recap: Lipnado

GIGANTICLIPSReal human or blow-up doll? 

Howdy, Trashmii!  Welcome again to episode 1 of the new season of Couples Therapy.  I have to say, I’ve never watched this show before.  But when Ronnie said Taylor Armstrong and Jon Gosselin were going to be in it – how could I pass this up?  America’s #1 Grifter and People’s Douche of the Year Emeritus in one show?  Gold.  Gold!

We open with what seems like an endless intro/preview, in which Jenn Berman, the main therapist, offers the following profound observations:

“Whatever the problem, we’ll fix it head-on”.  Oh, like an oncoming Mack truck?

“Facing the truth is all that matters”.  Just facing it, not doing anything about it.

“You can’t have love without honesty”.  Sure you can!  The best relationships are based on lies!

“True love is worth fighting for”.  Eh, who has the energy anymore?

bermanOf course I have a degree!  From the University of Aruba!

First to arrive are Taylor and her fiance, John.  Oh, and her GIGANTIC UPPER LIP.  They’ve been engaged a few months.  I guess since right after her first husband hung himself?  Taylor give us the half-weeping schtick she perfected on RHOBH.  She was “trying to convince everyone my life was perfect”, was hit by her (dead) husband, and as a result she filed for divorce.  We then get to hear the 911 call Taylor and a male companion made when she discovered the body.  It basically consists of a guy telling the operator what’s wrong, while Taylor screams “oh my god” repeatedly, as you’d expect.  God forbid she’d pull herself together or anything.

goodtimesUs?  We’re just hanging around.

Taylor goes on to say that Russell was being sued when he died, and all her assets were frozen.  Oh, that must be why she wrote that book . . . She then tells us “it took a year of being alone to figure out who I was”, but doesn’t tell us who that was.  Con artist?  Scammer?  Liar?  Just my first thoughts.

John tells us he and Taylor were attorney and client.  What he doesn’t say is that when Taylor and he first became involved, he was married.  Really klassy, you two.  They now live in Vail.  John tells us they “literally have a blast together”.  Oh, if that were literally true . . .

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11 comments on “Couples Therapy Recap: Lipnado

  1. andyourlittledogtoo says:

    You know, I never watch Sister Wives but I never miss you recaps. So much fun! Now here’s another show I can’t bear to watch but I am really looking forward to your recaps.

    Oh Farrah. There has never been a more spoiled or delusional person on TV. Ever. Yes dear, your hard core anal sex movie wasn’t porn. Not at all. It was an art piece. And a good business opportunity! Her missing boyfriend probably got cold feet when he realized he was going to be on TV for all the world to see that he’s with little anal annie. Weirdly, her entire Teen Mom seasons are more embarrassing for her than anything she could possibly do in porn. Petulant bitchy entitled airhead doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. I still think incest would explain a lot of Farrah’s behavioral problems and power shift in her family, and the porn movie adds to that opinion frankly. Whatever her trauma, she is insufferable.

    And she is joined by nasty grifter Taylor of the drunken crying binges and asswipe father of the decade Jon Gosselin. It’s like a famewhore convention. I’m sure there’ll be some serious therapy going on this season. Sure there will.

    I can’t believe people get paid to produce and air this stuff. But I do love to read the recaps. So there’s that. Thanks for covering it for us.

  2. stinkyhousewives says:

    How many more times is Shana (that awful Taylor’s real name) going to milk the suicide of her husband? She is horrible.

  3. Holyterror says:

    Farrah looks so OLD — like a 40 year old. Way too much makeup, and her clothes are matronly, too.

  4. rachelkashmir says:

    Yeah, I wonder if they’re going to touch on the fact that Taylor’s current sucker is still married and that’s probably why they aren’t married yet. I hate how she’s still beating that domestic violence drum when there is no conclusive evidence that that Russell (RIP) ever put his hands on her.

    Ferrah’s upper lip offends me.

  5. Aunt Dorsey says:

    jezebel.com is outing Backdoor Farrah’s ploy to get on Couple Therapy with her rent-a-boyfriends. Apparently this is the second year, since Carson Underwood claims she was supposed to appear on the previous season with him.

    This year’s rent-a-boyfriend, Brian Dawe, claims he got cold feet, or caught some moral scruples or something, and e-mailed the producers saying that it was a sham and that he couldn’t go through with it. He claims the producers then offered to pay him double to appear.

  6. itchy itchy says:

    That Farrah ditz put me off porn. Can I sue her for this? That’s got to be worth millions in emotional trauma right there.

  7. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Hell you could try and sue her, but she’d probably just send you a complimentary rubber mold of her back door entrance, since that’s apparently what she’s marketing next.

  8. TN Gal says:

    Finally got to watch this. I’m not sure why Taylor needs an assistant. I didn’t realuze she was so busy in Vail. Imagine….

    8 am – Wake Taylor and Upper Lip
    10 am – dress Taylor and Upper Lip
    12 pm – starve Taylor, feed Upper Lip, open bottle of wine
    1 pm – find out where John is hanging around, open bottle of wine
    3 pm – remind Taylor Kennedy needs to be fed and watered, open bottle of wine, take Kennedy and Upper Lip to park
    5 pm – check that suitcase is empty, open bottle of wine

    Thanks for the recap!

  9. considerthis says:

    Ahh train wreck TV is back! Kelsey is now know to me a Klinger (Stage 5). There’s a whole lotta despiration and Webster’s dictionary hidden under that Mr. T yellow faux hawk. Her command (or lack thereof) of the English language is the only entertaining thing about her.

    Never have watched a Real Housewife episode ever so other than the publicized “beating” and the suicide no clue who Taylor is. However her fiance seems scarred shitless of her so maybe now she has taken to handing out the beatings? Whose watching her kid?

    Major crush on both the lesbians! They seem legit and really want to make things better and will be my sanity port in the shitstorm of a season!

    Then there’s fame whore Farrah who can also lay claim to the worst cry-face ever. She will go on a couple’s show solo just for screen time and that’s the least of her crimes. Whose watching her kid? In the season previews her “boyfriend/employee” shows up (kicking and screaming) at some point and bares an uncanny resemblance to Steve from American Dad – except not as hot.

    Also when did taking pink Play-Doh and rolling it into tubes and super gluing around your mouth become attractive? Missed that memo…Mr. Bill look out Ooooh Nooooo

  10. Gypsy says:

    I don’t care who is on this show or for that reason. This is the most trash-tastic show on TV right now and I am going to enjoy every moment of the manufactured famewhore dramatica! These people are dead serious which makes it all the funnier in my mind. I love it.

  11. Janine says:

    Farrah is in contention for the ugliest fake crying face EVER. Since she is clearly fake crying (and not good at it) she should at least do our oculars a favor and pretty that cry up as much as humanely possible. Or really go for the gusto and add some horsey noises.

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