Howdy, Trashmii! Welcome again to episode 1 of the new season of Couples Therapy. I have to say, I’ve never watched this show before. But when Ronnie said Taylor Armstrong and Jon Gosselin were going to be in it – how could I pass this up? America’s #1 Grifter and People’s Douche of the Year Emeritus in one show? Gold. Gold!
We open with what seems like an endless intro/preview, in which Jenn Berman, the main therapist, offers the following profound observations:
“Whatever the problem, we’ll fix it head-on”. Oh, like an oncoming Mack truck?
“Facing the truth is all that matters”. Just facing it, not doing anything about it.
“You can’t have love without honesty”. Sure you can! The best relationships are based on lies!
“True love is worth fighting for”. Eh, who has the energy anymore?
First to arrive are Taylor and her fiance, John. Oh, and her GIGANTIC UPPER LIP. They’ve been engaged a few months. I guess since right after her first husband hung himself? Taylor give us the half-weeping schtick she perfected on RHOBH. She was “trying to convince everyone my life was perfect”, was hit by her (dead) husband, and as a result she filed for divorce. We then get to hear the 911 call Taylor and a male companion made when she discovered the body. It basically consists of a guy telling the operator what’s wrong, while Taylor screams “oh my god” repeatedly, as you’d expect. God forbid she’d pull herself together or anything.
Taylor goes on to say that Russell was being sued when he died, and all her assets were frozen. Oh, that must be why she wrote that book . . . She then tells us “it took a year of being alone to figure out who I was”, but doesn’t tell us who that was. Con artist? Scammer? Liar? Just my first thoughts.
John tells us he and Taylor were attorney and client. What he doesn’t say is that when Taylor and he first became involved, he was married. Really klassy, you two. They now live in Vail. John tells us they “literally have a blast together”. Oh, if that were literally true . . .