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Shahs of Sunset Recap: Caviar Dreams and Persian Nightmares | TrashTalkTV

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Shahs of Sunset Recap: Caviar Dreams and Persian Nightmares

Hola Trashies!  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season that included a few days off of work, family and alcohol.  I know in my case, I need the days off and the alcohol to cope with all the family.  During the holidays, I kinda roll like GG – boozed up, and like MJ – zoned out.  Cuz at some point – I’m just at my limit and want to rip your tits off and slap you with them.  Um, okay maybe that’s just GG.

So this latest episode of Shahs opens with Reza and Adam taking a stroll through the mall to buy items for the “housewarming party.”  Reza reads everyone’s minds when he says that a year ago nobody would believe that he and Adam are still together.  Amen. 

Adam is so much taller than Reza
Who knew Adam was so much TALLER than Reza?  And why does that amuse me so?

Adam just hasn’t figured out he can do better yet.  And if anybody thought for a hot second that this was just a “random trip to the mall,” your naivete is laughable when they “happen upon” a vending machine that sells caviar.  This bitch Reza, he knows a good filmable moment.  You know some PA saw online that they sold caviar out of a vending machine and been sitting on this moment for at least a season or two anyway. 

caviar vending machine
Also, notice this stupid vending machine is empty except for the top row.  What?  $3,000 caviar doesn’t sell in the Valley like a Coke Zero?  Who knew!

According to Reza, every good Persian rolls with a wad of cash in your pocket – apparently $3500, because that’s what a tin of fish eggs will set you back.  First of all, beluga caviar is very bad for the environment (seriously, all the fish are dying off because YUM!  FISH Eggs!) and secondly, it’s very delicious.   It is!  But $3500?  Reza could buy himself some gold.  Whatever, this is stupid.  Also, he pays for this shit in cash.  None of this makes any sense.    Also, if you ever see Reza, you should mug him.  Because apparently he has a lot of cash on him.  Did nobody else think that when they saw this, or just me?

someone please mug REza
Yes, show everyone who watches TV how much cash you carry on you at all times.  Someone mug him just on principal alone.

Reza tells us that he wants the caviar to be the “attraction” at his dinner party, but I think he is thinking of the wrong word.  I think the word he wants to use is “pretentious,” no wait.  Maybe, “braggart.”  Hmmmm, “Obnoxious Pretentious Braggart?”  Three words?

GG and Asa go to Tai Chi, because as Asa tells us, GG has “Major impulse control issues.”  The producers helpfully play clips back of GG losing her shit and threatening to cut everyone to hammer home the point.  Poor GG.  She really is trying, but can’t help her craziness.  Tai Chi is being run by a hippy with dreds (of course).   GG can’t calm down though, and keeps equating every movement with sex.  Everyone is kind of amused by it, and the instructor takes it all in stride.  Probably because he’s high as a kite and thinks GG is a kitten covered in glitter and looking for a moonbeam, but that’s besides the point.  Anyway, there’s a few takeaways to this bit here.  1) GG is horny and ready to bang anything with a pulse and 2)  Asa’s ass is amazing in stretchy pants. 

Asa's bum is amazing
Watch out Kim Kardashian – Asa is coming for you.  (But you’ll probably be able to see her coming because she’ll be dressed like a crazy person).

GG interviews and tells us that Tai Chi makes her want to bone or kick someone’s ass – so basically how she feels every morning when she wakes up?  She’s hopeful that Tai Chi will help her control her anger because, and I am quoting here, She wants to cut MJ’s tits off and bitch slap her with them.  Damn, that’s messy. 

Asa tells GG that she needs to remember this class the next time she gets angry, and just breathe deep and do some Tai Chi.  That was very sweet, but we all know it won’t work.  Cuz GG needs to cut someone – it’s just a matter of when.    Asa asks GG what happened the night GG exploded at the bar at MJ, and GG admits she exploded.  She starts off by saying that she was so drunk she didn’t want to sit down, and that when MJ was dismissing her it only upset her more.  Exactly.  I think MJ knows exactly how to piss GG off and wind her up.  And she did.  Furthermore, GG says that since MJ has made up with Reza she doesn’t care, saying, “she doesn’t care about me, my relationship or that I’m hurting.”

What’s unfortunate is that I don’t think GG can articulate what exactly is upsetting her, but this is it.  That MJ doesn’t care that GG is hurting or going through something.  And that what MJ did hurt her emotionally.  That’s all I think she needs, is just for MJ to give a shit.   But unfortunately GG is yelling so loudly that no one can hear her.  Which is what Asa tells her.  It’s a great, genuine segment surrounded by a lot of overpriced beluga caviar.  Is it crazy that I think that GG and Asa are the most genuine on this show?  Wait around, that will change.

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4 comments on “Shahs of Sunset Recap: Caviar Dreams and Persian Nightmares

  1. rachelkashmir says:

    @eyediosmio- with love and respect, the D in Downtown Julie Brown deserves to be capitalized. And I agree RE GG. I’m sure Sean would have handled the “We’re on a break kiss” but the fact that she regularly chatted with Shayan ever since? Yeah, he had every right to be pissed.

    Bleh. Mike is this show’s Slade Smiley: was moderately successful when the market was hot and any low-grade sheister can make a buck. Now that he has to hustle, all he can do is cry about is “glory days” and blame is lack of success on Reza. He revealed how shallow and materialistic he really is when he was talking about those rings, how the ring she was going to wear more about him. I think getting married has less to do with being in love and more about acquiring another possession because all he seems to care about is being a ‘baller.’ Whatever goodwill I felt towards Mike died. Lazy, entitled wanker.

  2. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Mikey, Mikey, Mikey you saw the classy way Reza treated his last partner, his bestest friend in the universe, Mercedes. Reza talked major trash about her work ethic and her sales records — how the hell did you expect to be treated differently? You do know you have to actually show houses to sell them, right? And it’s never too late to go back to college. But I love the revisionist history that you had such a fabulously successful career selling commercial real estate. Roll tape!

    Downtown Julie Brown — gah, her voice always made me homicidal.

    Love Asa’s ass, it’s like two sacks of lethargic felines getting ready to rumble. “When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette….”

  3. labowner says:

    How have I not noticed Reza’s horrible comb over.

    Love, love, loved the GG and Asa scene.

    Eye, I agree that Reza was probably thinking Sasha was hitting on Adam, but Reza is being exposed to a new world since he is not controlling their lifestyle. I don’t think it ever occurred to Reza there were younger, hotter, gay Persians out there. If Reza grew up in BH, why is his dad and family in NY?

  4. john starr says:

    Who was the teacher of Tai Chi (Chuan) for the Shah “ladies”. His form was very good from the little I could see. As for the ladies, they have a long, long way to go.

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