Project Runway All Stars – Ready to Wear Sucks

After a few weeks off to cruise through South America I have returned, slightly tanner and happy to get back to slamming every horrible outfit Alyssa wears (even though I may have worn a Hawaiian shirt every day of my vacation, because that’s just how I roll).

aIf this is the view no one really looks at what you’re wearing

Before we dive in I have to thank PopePhilly for covering for me during a crazy busy time of year and delivering on the snark and awesome. It was nice to come home and see you were all well taken care of.  Now, on to the recap!

Previously on project runway.. Alyssa wore this

1. what the hellDo I see nipple?

Nina showed up and made the designers create outfits for bloggers. For some reason almost everyone looked horrible and Viktor went home. Aw, I’ll miss you and your giant theatrical fan my love.

We start the show with Alyssa on the runway wearing a renaissance fair undergarment with a leather corset and a leather bow tie. Of course she is.

2. leather bow tieI put on daddy’s tuxedo shirt cumber bun and tie!

The 4 remaining contestants look less than thrilled to be there, Korto especially looks all around dead on the inside, do the editors hate her or does she just suffer from bitchy resting face?

3. show is still going onBeing on TV is the worst.

Christopher rambles about how magic it is to be in the top 4. He won 1 competition, Elena won 1, Korto won 2 and Seth Aaron has won none. Burn.  Sidenote Alyssa is wearing a kickass pair of lime green shoes that tragically do nothing to make this outfit better. Sorry, I keep getting sucked in, it’s like a magic eye picture, the more I look at it the more confused I find myself…

4. shoesNope, not any better from this angle

This week’s challenge is ready to wear. Elena explains it as “something that is…wearable… to anyone” thanks for clearing that up.  This week’s guest is Michelle Smith, of the label Milly (she didn’t bother to show up, we hear about all this from Alyssa, not cool Michelle, even Nina made time to show up to hand out a challenge, and those crazy kids from Bonnie and Clyde managed to take 2 minutes to film a cameo, just sayin’). The designers get to use Michelle Smiths fabrics to make a dress that will cost under $400 to produce. The winning garment will be sold with profits going to the charity “save the garment center” .  If I cared I would google that, but I don’t so let’s move along.

The designers go on a field trip to look at fabrics –  Michelle Smith is at her studio and greets all the designers, ok fine bonus points for that. Shouldn’t Zana be there? Tim Gunn totally would have been there. GET IT TOGETHER ZANA!

Holy crap there is a lot of amazing fabric in this room, I (much like Elena) love neons, and (much like Korto) prints so this is making my head explode with joy. Michelle rambles about business and pricing, and eventually assigns the designers to go with a “urban tribal” look along with “feminine with an edge”.

5. better leatherOooh look at all the pretty colors

Each design also has to be approved. Why do I feel like Seth Aaron and Christopher are going to have problems here…Anyway it’s time to play with fabrics. Man if I were ever allowed in there I would never leave.  Seth Aaron talks about how cool it is but all I can see is he’s wearing some sort of pleather/polyester tie that (for a millisecond) looked like Alyssa’s leather bow tie…

6. leather tieWe all have to share 1 tie..

and I was convinced that the interview room doubles as a prop house for those comical photo booths that are at weddings/parties these days.  If someone shows up wearing a feather boa and a fireman’s helmet I’m gonna call shenanigans…

7 the project runway interview roomThe project runway all stars interview room

Korto says tribal never goes out of style for her since she’s African and from a tribe. See, I TRY telling people my tribe is people from New Hampshire (as in whenever there’s a story on the news about some idiot in New Hampshire I shout “those are my people!”) but I get mocked for that.  Guess I’ll never get to impress people with my cool tribal stories   (Well unless I go this route… )

Everyone grabs some form of leather or pleather. Interesting. Elena wants to be Michelle when she grows up. Seth Aaron wants to apply to work at Milly. These kids are adorable.  Everyone except Seth Aaron appears to be doing some sort of racerback design. Curious if that will change it as they look around, hrm.

Seth Aaron sits down with the money man first. He has a giant zipper he likes but the money man says it’ll cost more than $400. Seriously? Is it made of gold? I thought zippers were like, pennies? I mean this ridiculously oversized sucker is only $15, what gives?

Seth Aaron ditches the zipper and gets approved. Elena asks if she can have leather, she gets a yes. Christopher rambles and gets approved. Korto wants to make a maxi dress with expensive fabric and gets a no.  She gets approval for a shorter dress (bummer, a long version would have been stunning, grr)

8. show me the maxi!Someone make this dress for me pretty please?

Elena is shocked she’s in the final 4. No tears and no screaming so it’s hardly worth mentioning. Seth Aaron mentions that the QVC wall changes daily, that seems stressful. But fun. I like surprises! Everyone starts cutting and sewing. It’s exciting television.

Elena is using white. Christopher sneers that the Milly collection didn’t have any white. Then maybe they need it, shut up Christopher.  Your dress is 60% pleather and looks like a deleted scene from Pretty Woman. Just sayin’.

Elena rips her leather.

10 the worst thing that has ever happened everThe worst thing that has ever happened. Ever.

We’re around 11:17 into the episode and the’s yell crying. Yesssssssssss. She is shrieking operatically as though she’s auditioning for the Phantom of the Opera. It’s amazing.

9 yell crying it's a thingScream Crying. It’s a thing.

She decides to sleep on it and deal with it tomorrow. Boo that was way too rational.

Elena decides to start over and make a new dress with the fabric she has left over. Christopher laughs like a true frenemy.  Korto explains to us that since the new dress isn’t approved it might not be on budget. Shh Korto, no logic here.

Michelle Smith is with Zana to evaluate everything that’s been assembled thus far. Seth Aaron is up first, his dress has a hint of black and white chevron with a giant polkadot and neon ruffle leading to a polka dot skirt. Nope, not making that up  – in fact it’s so ugly I’m pretty sure Alyssa’s stylist is rubbing her hands together in glee plotting a similar outfit to throw her into next week.

11 where's alyssaI salute the hideousness

Michelle suggests he just go with a white skirt and suddenly the dress is no longer hideous. Good eye Michelle, I had no idea where to start with that sucker.

12 suddenly betterIt’s a whole new dress

He immediately adds polka dot back in, of course he did. Ugh. Less is more Seth Aaron!

Elena shows her second look to Zana and Michelle and they immediately tell her to get back on track with the first dress. She’s cool with it. Drama over I guess.

Korto’s dress is a cool print and I love the racerback into the belt. I think it would be cooler if the front were solid black and the belt had more impact. That’s just my thought. Ignore me, I shop at Forever 21.

Christopher is making his dress into 2 pieces, Michelle tells him that would be too expensive. He pouts. The real world of budgets and spreadsheets is no fun kiddo. Suck it up.  He tries to justify what he wants to do with Elena and Seth Aaron and they tell him no, and explain where the costs come from.  He pretty much ignores everything they say and keeps repeating “but it’s the same amount of fabric”. It always boggles me when someone latches on to a way of perceiving reality and ignores all information that goes against that, he is in HARDCORE denial.

The models show up for fittings.  It’s boring, sorry. Everyone sews more. Christopher finally accepts he needs to put 1 zipper in. He asks Korto for help. She interviews that she doesn’t want to give advice but she doesn’t’ really directly say that to Christopher. Ugh, you don’t have to be confrontational but if you’re passive aggressive he probably won’t realize he’s annoying you.  Tell him no, tell him why, smile, be polite, and move on.

Runway day. Christopher is running around at a full sprint. Everyone ignores him. Even Elena is rolling her eyes. Ha.  Everyone snarks about how crappy everyone else’s dresses are. And seriously there are a lot of problems in all of these looks, should be an interesting runway!

Alyssa walks out in a horrible dress (parts of it actually look like Seth Aarons, I totally think her stylist is on to me…)

13 i can'tMaybe like, a cardigan would help? And a hairbrush?

Judges this week are Georgina Chapman,  Isaac Mizrahi, Kristin Chenowith, Nick Cannon and Michelle Smith. Wow big panel.  I love Kristin Chenowith but I don’t have high hopes for her being vocal (pun intended) during panel, prove me wrong!

Up first is Christopher’s dress. It seems moderately commercial but the skirt looks weirdly like a sarong, not sure overall.

christopherChristopher’s Look

Seth Aaron is up next. The dress is a cool concept but it’s overdone, he needed less polka dot. And it has cutouts in the back. Can we all agree cutouts look terrible on most of us and move on?

Seth AaronSeth Aaron’s Look

Korto is up next. The dress is pretty but I’m not sure how luxe it us. It’s pretty but if it cost over $60 I would have sticker shock, it looks cheap next to what everyone else did.

KortoKorto’s Look

Elena combined day-glo yellow /green with white and made an Elena dress. It looks like all her dresses. It’s pretty but she didn’t really do anything new here.

ElenaElena’s Look

Elena gets judged first – Isaac loves the color, Kristin thinks it’s forgiving,  Nick Carter thinks his wife (Mariah Carey for all of you who have a life that doesn’t revolve around pop culture) would look really good in it (next to him in a white suite, thanks for that visual mister) Michelle says she can see it in her collection. Georgina hates the zipper, Alyssa agrees, Nick says it’s easy access. Thanks for that.

Christopher is next. Isaac has issues with the bodice. Nick says the models crotch has eyes and is staring at him. Kristin likes the neckline and that she could wear a bra with it. Michelle has issues with the bodice. Georgina thinks Christopher is a little lost. He grinds his teeth but smiles through it.

Korto is next, Alyssa really likes the dress (of course she does) and she says it’s the most wearable dress. Georgina says it’s not exciting. Kristin says the dress is “democrat in the back and republican in the front” ha.  Isaac likes the back and hates the front, I agree. The front is droopy and… soft.

Seth Aaron is next, Michelle says it’s “spectacular” but she hates the neon ruffle. Nick loves the pink pop of color. Kristin wants to own it, Seth Aaron offers to send her one. Alyssa asks if she sees nipple in the dress – Seth Aaron says you can wear a bra with it. Isaac hates the pink but loves the dress. Georgina likes the dress but is unsure if it’s commercial. Michelle says it’s a special occasion dress. Pretty sure if I wore it to my office party people would talk about me all night. Not sure if it would be good talk.  Short girls don’t look good in that much dress. LISTEN TO ME ALYSSA.

Judging panel. They all liked Elena’s dress but thought the zipper took away from her design. They thought Seth Aarons had too much going on (Nick and Kristin loved it anyway, of course they did).  Michelle says it needs toning down but she loved it. Isaac loved Korto’s dress, Michelle says it was too basic in the front but the back was amazing. They agree it was the most wearable dress and that she will have an amazing collection. Christopher’s dress, Georgina says it was the most commercial, Alyssa loved the concept,  Kristin says it’s a universally age appropriate dress, and they all wonder who he is as a designer. Ok then.

The winner of the challenge is… Seth Aaron – I assume they’ll make some edits to it, curious what the final product will look like…  I went to Milly’s website and here’s the dress they’re selling:

17 finalPlease comment if you plan on buying this, I have a lot of questions..

Anyway it’s his first win this season, which is cute. Elena is safe, Elena is in the final, holy crap I’m excited to see her final collection. Hopefully all of the dresses aren’t identical. Fingers crossed. Christopher and Korto are in the bottom. The judges need to see more from them so they get one more challenge.  (I actually would rather see both of their collections over Elena so I’m sad)  Their final challenge starts now – they have to take 3 looks from their previous challenges and remix them right now into one new look. They have 1 hour to do it.  Damnit why can’t we see Elena do this challenge, she would explode!

We get some dramatic editing and it’s time for them to start. They each get a half naked model to stand around for them in the hour they have to work. Poor girls. The editing is cool, we get to watch them work at high speed with cameras coming in and out of frame, nifty (one upon a time I worked in television so I love it when there’s peeks of the crew/equipment).

Time runs out, Christopher and Korto give each other what appears to be a genuine good luck hug, which is nice and we’re back to the runway.

14 genuineGenuine support and emotion? Whaaaa?

Korto’s model walks out first. She’s in about 5 shades of gray, there’s a giant wrap sweater that has no sleeves so I’m confused on what temperature that’s ideal for, and a gray skirt with a zipper up the middle.  The skirt was originally pants from the menswear challenge, the jacket back is from the punk challenge and the other pieces are from the insect challenge.

15 korto remixedKorto’s bonus challenge look

Christopher’s girl comes out and she looks straight up like she just came out of Forever 21. I don’t know if that’s good or bad but considering the judges want him to “define himself” more I have a feeling it’s not good.  He used the clutch from bonnie and clyde, the dress from the punk challenge and tulle from the evening challenge.

16 christopher remixedChristopher’s bonus challenge look

Isaac loves Korto’s look. He thinks the top has too much volume but is still lovely. He also loves Christopher’s look. There’s a sheer panel on the side of the skirt. Alyssa loves shoulder pads  and loves that he put a shoulder pad on a one sleeved top. She also loves Korto’s outfit. Georgina loves Korto’s look but says it’s very “her”. She says Christopher’s look defines him well. Alyssa thanks the models.  Looks like the guest judges went home. Fair enough. The judges are going to write down who they think should have the final slot and they’re going to tally the votes in front of the contestants without debate. Well that’s dramatic. The designer going to the finale is… Korto. Christopher is out. He seems shell shocked.  Like, on the verge of killing them all. He gets a kiss and a “god bless you” from Alyssa (new catchphrase?) Christopher says goodbye. I’m sad I won’t get to see his final collection but I can’t say I’ll miss him. Bye Christopher!  Next week, the United Nations hosts a runway show. Because they can. Sure, why not, see you all then!