Happy New Year, Trashies! Are you as ready as I am to give 2013 a big, swift kick in the cojones? I can think of no better way to start off 2014 than with a new episode of heart melting love stories told to us by the cultured and demure jewel of Bravo’s TV crown, Patti Stanger.
Today, Patti’s boyfriend David is giving her boxing lessons in a park somewhere. Patti’s hitting his hands with her glove saying dumb things like “THIS is for not doing the dishes”. I hope she slips and “accidentally” punches him in the nose. Patti talking-heads that her “language of love” is East Coast because it’s all about constant sex and gifts while David is a wimpy, West Coast dude who needs constant affirmation. Patti just described herself as a prostitute.
East Coast REPRESENT
Patti’s office and David walks in with a bag of thongs and underpants from designer Andrew Christian who wants to get his SAG card by being part of the Millionaire Club. David explains that Andrew is sick of the Hollywood phonies and wants to meet someone that doesn’t know he’s a rich guy. If he wants someone to like him for him, being part of a club with the word “millionaire” in its title isn’t exactly the stealth way to go about it, dude.
Screams “gold diggers need not apply”, don’t it?
Andrew’s 35, a clothing designer and has $4.2M to throw around. He describes himself as the gay Hugh Hefner with his own Playboy mansion as a shot of his house, poolside, comes up on the screen (house porn!). Patti’s squealing how much she loves him. He says he has a hand (hmm-HMM) in picking all the models and then complains that there’s always ulterior motives once he starts dating them. Either this dude is a complete A-hole or he’s the dumbest person on the planet if he thinks 20-something twinks want to go out with him for reasons other than the fact that he’s rich and connected. Patti concurs. Andrew says his relationships only last 2 weeks to a few months and has come to the realization that he’s picking the wrong guys. You think? Bottom line – he’s sick of the hit it and quit it and wants some longevity. Patti likes Andrew and is worried that all the boys in her stable of rent-a-hos will know who he is. David promises to scour West Hollywood for fresh meat.