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Sister Wives Recap: Apple, Meet Tree | TrashTalkTV

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Sister Wives Recap: Apple, Meet Tree

doofusCardboard:  the gift that says I Love You all over again.

Howdy, Trashmii!  Here we are again, at another season of the never-ending saga that is Sister Wives.  You may have read in the news that the Browns won their court case in Utah, which now frees them to move back and sink into obscurity.  Of course now that they’re fame whores, I doubt they will move back, but a gal can dream, can’t she?

Our ep opens with flashbacks from last season.  Kody tells us that running from home to home in the compound is developing his gluteus maximus.  You know what, Kody?  You affect my gluteus maximus.  Can you guess how?

kodysbettersideKody shows off his better side.

Meri comments on the “turn” their relationships made when the gals were all separated, Kody says the kids have adjusted well to the compound life but the wives, not so much, amd Christine says she thought they would “instantly be best friends” once they moved into the compound.  Watching too many Disney movies, dear?

magicChristine hopes this will be the 5th sister wife.

We’re then told that the adults haven’t really discussed paying for college educations, and it’s time for them to do that.

Meri says Westminster (where Mariah wants to go, in Utah) is $28K a year.  UNLV is $7400.  Kody strongly states he “won’t advocate” the kids getting loans, they’ll have to work through college if they want the parents to contribute to their education.  He also points out that “statistically, people don’t find a career choice in the field they studied”.  Well, they likely do if they study something practical, like say chemistry.  Knowing the Browns, they’ll likely major in the History of Gum or something like that.

Janelle points out that Logan’s expenses for this year at UNLV are $6500.  If you’re doing the math, that’s about 1/4 of the cost of Westminster.

Robyn says Mariah needs a car.  I thought she had a car, Robyn’s old car, cause she was driving it last season?  Janelle asks if Mariah is going to be on campus, why does she need a car, and Meri waspishly tells her she’s not sending Mariah to Utah without a car.  Which begs the question, why is the princess going to Utah as an out-of-state student?  How about she moves there, works for a year while establishing residency and then enrolls as an in-state student?  Just some practical questions . . . which are never answered.  Cause these are the Browns.

mariahsgettingacarMy precious Mariah IS SO getting a car! A nice shiny NEW one!

Kody interjects that they’re not sacrificing Aspyn’s education to “overindulge Mariah” (OH SNAP!), and asks Meri to take money out of her budget since the other wives have multiple children to send to college.  Wait a minute.  The wives each have X amount of college money, the same X amount, even though Meri has only one kid?  So Meri’s using a budget meant to stretch for 6 kids, for just one?  Kody repeats his request, and Meri doesn’t answer.  Selfish witch.

ponyupbitchTime to pony up, bitch.

coldhardYou’ll have to pry that money from my cold, dead hands.  And womb.

Robyn, who’s apparently never met a promissory note she didn’t like, whines to Kody that she doesn’t see there is an option to debt for college.  Kody snaps back “a job that pays well”.

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15 comments on “Sister Wives Recap: Apple, Meet Tree

  1. nettaboo says:

    She’s at Westminster, I wonder if the colleges get kickbacks for being featured on the show.

  2. begonia skies says:

    Thank you Penny for bringing up how wrong Kody was about using college degrees. Encourage your kids to major in things that spawn actual careers idiot. I know Mariah wants to be a doctor but let’s face it, that’s never gonna happen. She’ll end up being another psychology/anthropology major who ends up waitressing at chili’s. Or worse, she’s run an unsuccessful online cheap ugly jewelry store with her sister wives.

    Also, the fact that Janelle’s cardboard sign was grammatically incorrect pissed me off more than it should. Because I love Janelle I’m going to hope in my heart that off camera she used that as a coaster. Or poured syrup on it and served it to Kody disguised as one of his “waffles.”

  3. CynTV CynTV says:

    My God – if I had to recap this show I’d be an alcoholic.

  4. Wasabirules says:

    This family is trying so hard to fit a square peg into a round hole that they do not have the time to stop and consider what they are doing. How could so much unnecessary unhappiness possibly be the will of God. And why on earth do Meri and Mariah get rewarded for their selfishness???

  5. Wasabirules says:

    P.S. @begonia skies – I had the same reaction to that sign. It wasn’t even spelled right! Six kids and a lifetime of abuse and all she gets is that sign . . .

  6. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    I was surprised Kody suggested that Meri give up some of her budget to send her 1 kid to college – apparently Meri’s trial run of giving Kody his balls back really backfired on her ass, no?

    How can Kody be so blind to realize that his wives completely and 100% do not like each other? Maybe he is blinded by Robyn’s “new hotness” that he doesn’t realize that “old and busted” Meri can’t stand any of those Fertile Myrtles and only tolerates Robyn because she’s the one that gets Kody’s attention and Meri can play Robyn like a fiddle and get her way with Kody through Robyn.

  7. Lo says:

    My best friend went to Westminster, the thing about them is that doesn’t matter whether you’re in state or out of state, they charge the exact same in tuition. Also that $28k only covers tuition, so tack on another $8,000 in room and board. If that kid wants a private education that desperately, she would have been way better off going to BYU (though I loathe everything about them). She would’ve gotten a much better education and for only $18k total. Side note: BYU also doesn’t have out of state tuition rates, they have LDS and Non-LDS rates

  8. Merry says:

    I have the solution for the Mariah college dilemma: don’t send her to college at all. That one costs zero dollars, in case the financially stupid Browns need the extra hint. If all the little brat wants is to get married to a polygamist dimwit like her dad (and manipulate him so she can leech off other wives like her mom) why the hell does she need a $6500/year education, let alone the $28K/year version? Only about half of kids in the US attend college at all and only about 30% get a bachelor’s degree, so to hear the spoiled princess whining about Westminster is really infuriating.

    With the poor planning and lack of work in this family, I was a little surprised they’ve managed to pay for Logan’s college tuition. I can only suppose Janelle was smart enough to save up for it on her own.

  9. Merry says:

    Also…Taylor Armstrong and Jon Gosselin? Unless that pairing is followed by the words “were put into stocks in the center of Hollywood to be mocked and pelted with rotten produce,” I could totally miss that. (But I do look forward to your recaps!)

  10. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    A lot of girls went to my college to get their MRS degrees. Apparently they felt they would get a better breed of man in college. It was quite a point of pride of the school that so many people meet and get married there.

    I’m sure Janelle has been saving and hiding money for her kids college education on her own – that’s why she suggested that someone else’s kid not stay on campus to save money and not her own kid because she sees what is important (and it isn’t wet bars or new cars, Meri!). Which leads me to this – Meri, your kid doesn’t NEED a car in college (at my college, freshmen couldn’t have cars unless you had a real reason like a medical condition or something like that, and a lot of students didn’t have cars at all and they were from out of state). You WANT her to have a car in college and that’s the difference, but because you are a spoiled rotten brat and you think you should get the same child expenses as mothers with 6 kids I’m sure she’ll get one. Maybe Meri is afraid her precious one won’t make friends at school and won’t know anyone with a car that will haul her around.

  11. LadyStardust says:

    So…Kody doesn’t believe in taking out student loans, so I gather he expects Mariah to somehow get through not only her undergrad program but MED SCHOOL without taking out a single loan?!? Although I expect Mariah wants to go to a nice Mormon school to get a husband, not an education.

    I don’t get the insistence that they must pay for every kid’s college education in full. For instance, my brother went to an in-state school that was totally paid for through a scholarship (our state pays for everything if you meet the criteria because we have a very low number of college graduates). I went to a private, out of state school (that was nowhere near 28k/year, btw). NEVER did I expect my parents to pay for the entire thing. My mom helped with what she could and I got grants, scholarships, and loans for the rest. I knew that my decision to attend a more expensive college meant I would have to make some sacrifices (i.e. no car, a job, loans, etc.). I didn’t sit at home and cry because my parents wouldn’t/couldn’t pay for my college in full so I didn’t have to attend a state school. Mariah wants to go to this expensive school without making any sacrifices to make it happen.


    I don’t know if I can make it through this season if it’s just more entitlement crap (like those stupid houses last season).

  12. DutchieDevil says:

    “On behalf of all viewers, may I say that I feel revulsion that is beyond my ability to express towards you and your harem” May I suggest we barf it in a bag and send it all to the compound? That will get Kody’s attention donchathink?

  13. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    Weren’t you watching?! They don’t use the word “compound”! That’s what the “evil” plygs call a bunch of houses in gated communities with shared dirt yards and big walls you can’t see over. The “good” plygs call them “home”.

    Get with the program, yo! :)

  14. DutchieDevil says:

    He Chicken Lips, I probably have to wait a year before they show the episodes over here, but anyway, compound shlompound… One family living in four houses in the same street? Compound, whether they call it that or not. I think if we box up all our baggies filled with revulsion and put Brown Compound, Las Vegas USMail will probably deliver it there, no problem.

  15. Melizzi says:

    So let’s suppose Piranha…er…Mariah actually becomes a Dr. and fulfills her deluded aim to be a plural wife. She’d def be one of the top bread winners & expected to work. Who here believes for second divvying up her paycheck amongst the other wives & their children would fly by Mariah!?! AS IF!!!

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